Four years ago today, I married Kevin. It was a great day, a day we had waited a “long” time for. Our engagement was fairly short, less than a year, but during that time we were constantly battling against delays and denials from U.S. immigration trying to get Kevin’s fiance visa approved (he was Canadian).

I have now celebrated 3 wedding anniversaries without him, and most have been a difficult time. My first anniversary without him I visited his grave site, wore a cream top, the pearls his mother gave me, and sobbed hysterically. On my 2nd wedding anniversary without him two of my bridesmaids and I enjoyed a great seafood dinner in North East, Maryland, one of my favorite towns. Tonight, one of those bridesmaids will join me for a special evening, yet to be determined.

Kevin wore this ring on our wedding day, and today, I’ll wear it for him. When I put it on today, I was reminded that it’s not me that was taken with him when he died. But it’s me who was reborn into a new version of “Brenda” when he died. I want to embrace that.

The past three February 3rds without him, have been highly bittersweet. But this morning, I woke up excited, happy to celebrate the day. It is a day of GREAT memories, of taking a vow “til death to us part”, and we both carried that love through that point. I do have joy because of the love Kevin showed me. He taught me to break down barriers for love, and I believe it is because of that, that I am able to love again.

I have come far, and I want to celebrate this 4th wedding anniversary today. Cheers to you Kev.