“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us. –Joseph Campbell”
This morning I found this quote in my Twitter feed. It stopped me in my tracks. Letting go of the life we had planned, being hopeful for the life that is waiting for us. That seems so surreal. Letting go of dreams is one thing, but letting go of what we had planned, how we saw our future 20 years from now? Kids, husband, home, it all went away with him…or did it?
The future is now changed. The dreams that I had are gone. New dreams await though, a hope in the future. It often feels bitter to think about having to let those plans and dreams wither, to know they will never come true with Kevin, and when I get hope for the future it feels a bit like a betrayal. How could I ever be happy another way? But I can.
It is starting to feel more normal to be happy in the future than bitter about the past, or letting go of the past. Sometimes the history smacks me in the face, and causes me to stop, reflect, and question my motives for my future. Why am I doing this? Is this what I want or am I trying to re-create something that will never be?
My motives are to be happy, to feel complete in a future I did not expect. I saw my life so different a few years ago, and today, this life often feels foreign. I never imagined I would be here, in this place, without him. That picture in my mind was never a picture, or a thought, or a vision; it was a nightmare.
But the nightmare has faded, and I am back in reality, in the present, living and moving forward. What’s next? It no longer feels as scary, as lonely, as depressing. It has actually become exciting to dream again, to think about a different future. While the past was grand, having him, I know my future can be grand too.
I am learning to let go of what I expected out of life, because we know life is never what you expect it to be.