I can’t tell you the last time I picked up the bible and actually read, but sometimes I go to Upper Room Devotional to find some faith inspiration. When Kevin was ill, I often posted devotional reflections from this website, ones that seemed so perfect for our situation were frequently posted on days when we needed their guidance.

Randomly, when I’m lacking direction, or floundering on what to say or feel about certain situations, I still go there to see what the message says to me today.

“Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.”
-Jeremiah 6:16 (NIV)

Rest for my soul. This concept is not only something that sounds so far out of reach, but something that calls my life. It is probably the reason that the hymn “It is well with my soul” was sung at Kevin’s funeral, should be sung at mine, and is something I strive for in my life.

“When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.” – Horatio Gates Spafford

I choked through singing this at Kevin’s funeral, but it was so important for me to sing that last part, that the trumpet shall sound, that God will descend, that we will rest in peace and our souls will be well! Although I lack the faith compared to many, and I do not devote my time or tithes to the church as I was taught, I do have faith. Simple, honest faith that believes that God is there to protect my soul, to carry Kevin’s.

I can only hope and pray that the mistakes I make today are no more, and that the trials I have and will continue to suffer will not be for nothing, because of my faith.