Speaking to a friend about this..I just wanted to share my thoughts with you all on this process I am going through.
I want you all to know how truly grateful I feel to have the life I have, and especially, to have the life I did. I was given something absolutely amazing, that few people find in their lifetime: their true soulmate. I was given the chance to love and be loved further beyond what I could ever have dreamed in any fairytale. When I met Kevin, I honestly felt like it was a dream. I didn’t believe that such a handsome, strong, loving man could love a chubby short girl like he did. I was always waiting for the floor to drop out from under me.
But he showed me what true love was like, and how pure and ecstatic it could be. He gave me the chance to feel emotions I never felt before, and to express them. And in the past 4 months, he showed me a strength, a will, and a love that I never saw before, in anyone.
He gave me a new life. And now, he gave me another new life. As much as I don’t want this gift, I would give anything to have it back, it’s something I have to accept and receive. With love. And I do. I grieve him unbelievably, but I know that there is a reason I have a new life ahead of me. I want to make the most of that, and I never want to take this for granted.
I am blessed.
What a process, huh??!! Your entries, including this one, manage to put a lump in my throat every time I read them, and I feel compelled to check in with your blog on a daily basis. I am drawn to them. You are an Amazing person, as everyone is telling you. I just happen to think as I am reading your latest entry, what both a gift and a curse you must feel every day has been. I read your struggles through this unimaginable process. You are such an “open” thinker. Making the most of each day, your new life, and not taking it for granted is definitely a full time job (with overtime!), especially the times of the day that feel more like a curse than a gift.
You are truly in my thoughts and prayers,
You have a perspective on life that many people never gain in a lifetime, Brenda. I am thankful that you are finding some peaceful moments and hours as you move forward. Your blog will be an important part of my daily life for as long as you continue to share your journey with all of us who love you. Let me know when you’re up for a Saturday breakfast at the Willow Street Diner!