Happy Canada Day to all my dear Canadian friends and family.

This day last year is amongst the many that hold a tough memory for me as we enjoyed what would be one of the last few nights Kevin and I even slept in the same bed together before he fell too ill.

This melancholy mood is not being shaken. In fact, I left work at lunch time today and as soon as I pulled out of the parking lot I started bawling. Not a good sign. I haven’t been sleeping well which I’m sure is just compounding my depressions and anxieties.

Tonight my roommate and I are going to place another Canadian Flag at Kevin’s gravesite in honor of the Canadian Holiday and then go to Wasabis for some dinner. I’m praying for strength as all the memories of these Independence Day events stir up so many emotions.

The paycheck was “eh” which just means no purchase of a bike for this weekend. I’m disappointed, but it gives me something to work harder to earn. I’m looking forward to riding again as I’ve pretty much given up on the gym.

I tried to cancel my gym membership due to financial hardship/widowhood, but they’re requiring seeing his death certificate to do so. They didn’t even need to see it to cancel Kevin’s membership when he passed because his good friends worked there, but now that they have quit, the Gym has become more corporate. I’m upset-they won’t even consider canceling my membership, only freezing it. It’s extra money that I could use in my pocket right now and not a fight I want to make to free myself from the membership. I just think-you’re a GYM, not a hospital or something. It’s furstrating and just accumulates all these emotions over his illness.

Frustration is the word of the day.