I lost my husband to cancer, but many women and men lost their spouses to a war. The man who initiated the attacks in the US on September 11, 2001 was killed and now what? Do these widow(er)s feel vindicated and just that their spouses died trying to protect our country by searching out such hateful people?
In my experience, death never feels worth the good that comes from it. I have been fortunate to have many awesome things happen, that without Kevin dying, never would have occurred. Or at the very least, the timing would have been completely different. I used to struggle a lot with enjoying these things because I felt that Kevin’s death was the reason good was happening to me; as if it was my reward for going through something so tragic.
As I have come through my grief, I now know this is not the case. Death is death, and life continues to go on. As a friend reminded me before: life with Kevin was awesome, and life now, after Kevin, is awesome too. One doesn’t annul the other.
Many widow(er)s today will be struggling with justification. Was it all worthwhile? Some people will say yes, others will say no, it’s a personal decision to make, especially for those who lost love ones due to terrorism attacks and war. Whether justifiable or not, actions both positive and negative will continue. It takes time and healing before someone can feel that death is death, and the actions after are just life continuing on despite the huge wake in their lives.
Keep in mind those who have lost loved ones from these tragic events, and the lives and futures that will continue to be morphed due to yesterday’s events.