I escaped. Me and another widow packed our bags and hit OCMD this weekend for a great spur of the moment beach trip, and despite the 9 inches of snow, it was perfect. Heck, even with it, it was perfect. Sometimes you need a getaway, and especially one that’s completely random.
My schedule is packed and it doesn’t leave much room for spontaneity anymore. I like living without a calendar, but it is not possible for me. Maybe someday? It is honestly something I strive towards. It is not an act of carelessness, but just being free to do what calls when it calls, and that is true freedom to me.
My brain has constantly been tossing around the thoughts on bachelor’s degree, tuition, timing and nothing seems to balance correctly. I can take more classes, and have less time and spend more money to be done faster, or I can take less classes and have more time and spend just as much money longer, or I can do none of those an possibly await a job that may pay for tuition, or I can chase what my heart calls.
I am still not sure if my heart calls “writer” or if it’s my recently recognized title that seems to do that, but either way, it’s on the top of my list for the future. A free life of writing. I know it may not guarantee America’s version of success, that I may never breach my meager salary, or any of those things we see as important: but since Kevin, none of those are important to me. I keep them closeby because it helps me have a better perspective of those around me, but if I let that perspective go would I stll be here in Lancaster at a 9-5 that’s blase just trekking through trying to find some finality in accomplishment? No, I doubt that’s what I’d be doing.
I may still be here, but I’d have the laptop glued to my fingers cranking out articles, and working on my book sipping coffees as I can afford them and soaking up culture and life around me. I’ve never wanted money, I’ve only ever wanted to get by and be comfortable. If you knew my salary, you’d know that I’m definitely keeping with THAT goal! But besides all that, I’m started to debate my year of preparedness. Is it really that? Or is it my year of fearing the leap?