This is a taste of my future.  Come May 4, I’ll be flying into San Jose, Costa Rica with my boyfriend.  It’s all courtesy of the travel writing contest I won through Wyndham Women Local Nation.  I have never left the country, other than to Puerto Rica & Canada.  This is a whole new exploration for me, and I am very excited!  Not only is it my/our first trip to Costa Rica, but it’s also my first big trip with my boyfriend.

We went on our first date just over a year ago.  It’s been a very fast year, one filled with a lot of learning, backtracking, jumping ahead, and so on.  I was so hesitant to give my heart to anyone else.  I have been wondering if I’m still scared to do so.  I love him.  I am in love with him.  But I still have fears.  The thing that I can’t pinpoint, and which is resonating with the rest of the decisions in life, is what are my fears?  Why am I so damn afraid?

Losing.

There are still parts of me that scream not to get too attached, to hold off in case something goes wrong, in case he leaves, he dies, one of us changes our minds.  Who knows?!  The thing is, he’s not going anywhere.  And I don’t want to go anywhere either.  So I guess we’re stuck in love together.  Wow, life is tough.

Now I’m smiling.  I can look ahead, and when I get past all the crap that keeps pulling me back into the past, I do see a lot of happiness, a lot of adventure.  I want to stop caring about figuring out what the next step is, and instead, enjoy that I see a future!  Enjoy that I get to have awareness of the present.

I’d say life looks good now, and ahead.