I can only do SO much. I say this phrase to myself several times a day. My much is much different than your much. My much never seems to be enough. Not enough posters out for the big game on Saturday. Not enough focus at work. Not enough words typed. Not enough exercise. Not enough vegetables. Not enough friend time. Not enough family time.
I could break down every hour of every day and set aside it all to these things that are never enough. 6 am, wake up, exercise to 7. Get ready for work. Put in my day with great focus and drive. One hour with friends, one hour with family, one hour writing, one hour cooking healthy. Bed. I could do it all. But where’s the me time?
Me time rarely exists. I have tried over and over to build it into my schedule, to feed the time to myself, but somehow I end up filling it with all the ‘not enoughs’. But then I’m left with not enough me.
I do a lot for myself, or so I think. I think, if I work on this memoir, it’ll eventually benefit ME. If I get enough people to the game on Saturday, it’ll look good for ME as an organizer. If I focus enough at work it’ll be good for my paycheck. If I eat enough vegetables I’ll look better. If I see my friends and family enough I’ll feel good. I constantly think about me, but the things I do for me are usually giving me away which doesn’t always feed the actual me.
Instead, I feel disappointment at not achieving my goals, at letting others down, at gaining weight, at slacking at work, at not getting as far as I’d like in my memoir. Constant letdown at the me things. Which, as well as lacking benefit to others, destroys myself.
I don’t really know how to give me, me time. I don’t understand just be-ing. I’m not good at it. I try, but then I feel guilt over not doing things that could benefit ME. Wow, how twisted huh?
So what’s me time about? What do you do for your true me-time?
Sometimes it’s reading. Sometimes it’s writing. Sometimes it’s taking pictures. But always it’s my choice and the world is in the rear-view mirror.