After a fitful night of sleep, some good cold/allergy/anti-biotics, a nice shower, and the miracle of Mary Kay cosmetics, I am doing better this morning. It’s amazing how Mary Kay can make you look human again after a night of crying for hours.
I feel emotionally drained this morning, as I usually do after a breakdown. I know I need breakdowns. I know that when I can’t cry for days, the tears and heartache that I feel are going to come rushing out. It’s usually at nighttime when I’m lying down to rest and realize Kev is never going to be next to me again, that the picture in the corner and the dried rose are his memorial, and he is truly, and forever, gone from this earth. When I finally come to my senses, I think of the good times, the great places where we had uber amounts of fun, and the love that we hold, and I continue to hold, for each other.
He is carried in my heart. Right now, it’s hard to see the happiness that is there admist the pain, but it is there. It’s going to take a long long road to get to the solace and understanding. One minute at a time.