I am trying to find the motivation in life, and in the things I have committed to, despite resenting right now. School-it needs to be completed. I am so close, and it is a commitment I have made. It may be frustrating and exhausting, but somehow I need to find some motivation to complete it, and work hard at it.

Back to the gym and healthy eating this week now that my Canadian friends have returned home. Despite being exhausted from the new medication and Daylight Savings Time, I am thoroughly going to enjoy the sun setting later, and getting out on my bike again. It’s tuned up and ready to ride.

I am just trying to refocus my energy and my thought processes to feel good about my life, even in the transitions. It’s frustrating to not be at the points I think I am ready to be, but it’s all about transitions. Life is constantly that, is it not?

We can hope to be at the next stage, but then we lose sight of the transitions, of what brings us to that point. I wonder how much of life I missed out on just hoping to be at the next stage? In grief, this is a constant hope-hoping to be out of this feeling of living with a time bomb, always hoping to be moving forward from that point. But even in wishing we weren’t “here”, we miss out on so much.

I’m sick of missing out!