I returned yesterday from 4 special days in San Diego attending Camp Widow.  When I arrived, I was overwhelmed.  I had hoped I would see faces and just “know” who they were.  I was hoping I wouldn’t feel lost.  I was hoping I could instantly connect.

It took just a few hours, but soon, I was doing all those things.  I put names to faces of those whom I had been developing friendships with online for the past several months and years.  I hugged widows who I did not know because they or I needed one.  I cried over similar stories when my heart reached out to them in understanding.  I laughed at the dead husband and wife stories that only widows could laugh at.

When almost everyone went home, and my dear friend and I were left with only a few others, I felt sad.  Sad that I couldn’t connect as much as I had.  I was also overwhelmed in a new way.  How was this going to change my future?  Issues had been brought to my attention that I had been battling and now I had some tools to face them, and courage to as well.

My brain is still wrapping itself around this past weekend and how it will change how I move forward in widowhood.  How I let it go, but also how I embrace it.

It was worth it all – it was better than I imagined, and also more difficult than I imagined.  It was a lot of amazing moments.  Now, to process.