For the past 7 weeks, I have been gradually weaning myself off of my anti-depressant, Celexa. My goal was to stay on Celexa until I was finished with school to help maintain my focus while battling the loss of my husband and other stressors that have become a part of my life (mother & father’s cancer diagnosis and other big events). When I graduated in December, I contemplated whether this was the right decision. Right or not, I decided that I could attempt to come off of it to see if it was possible for me to function without the help of medication.
Last Tuesday, I took my last pill. Since Thursday, I have been experiencing severe lightheadedness. It first started with just dizzy spills, but now has progressed to what feels like heart-palpitations causing my dizziness. On Friday, I went to the doctor. He wasn’t my regular doctor, and to note, he was the doctor who first saw Kevin when he had a sore throat. I no longer have a very high opinion of the doctor. He tended to be an overkill on diagnosing things when I had him as a teenager, but when he had Kevin, it seemed he didn’t push for everything, even when Kevin called him from Canada in tears describing his pain. My doctor wasn’t in. I left the office with a clean EKG, high blood pressure (an unfortunate first for me) and orders for blood work and a heart halter monitor to wear today. Along with a prescription to go back on the anti-depressants, at least half dose.
I am now on day five of these “palpitations” (we’ll call them) and I am miserable, tired, exhausted, moody. I can only hope these are just severe symptoms of withdrawal. I will meet with regular doctor on Wednesday morning to go over the results of the halter monitor, and at that time, I’ll discuss with her if I should go back on the anti-depressants. I am against going back on them. While emotionally I know I am not the most stable person right now, I want to fight through it and deal with it. I don’t want to not feel something. Maybe it’s some type of self destruction thing, but I want to work through all of this. I want her to back my decision on this. But most off, if the withdrawal from the medication is what’s causing this, I don’t want to have to go through this a second time when I come off of a new prescription. If this is what happens, I do not want to sign up for round two.
I am pretty miserable right now, weak of spirit and of mind. Pray for me please.