In the New Year, life is a re-do of the things you didn’t do last year, that you hope to change in the future. For me, it’s a lot of that, and a lot of altogether new things as well. I hit 19 pounds down this morning and I would call that something new and exciting.
I had an awesome time at my family’s cabin in Wellsboro this past weekend and got to go cross country skiing. It was a great, cold, experience, and one I hope to try again. The away time from Lancaster was nice as well-just to relax and chill with good company. That never gets old.
I am happy to say my horrible string of 2010 luck is gone, and good riddance. Life is smoothly sailing forward, and while I still have some bumps to resolve, I feel much more mentally equipped to handle them. With school starting in two days, I feel a bit sad and depressed, no lie. While it means I’m that much closer to wrapping up my Associate’s degree, it also means less down time, and I have truly enjoyed the days lounging on my sofa just watching the tv and relaxing. Now it will be that, but also while reading, creating Powerpoint presentations, and doing math equations. Now that folks, is not nearly as appealing.
I have been slowly forcing myself to line up some future ventures. While I love spontaneity, some things need delicate planning. One of the big ventures that I am working on is 2010 Team Sarcoma. At minimum, I hope to host a bike ride/walk along the Salunga Rail Trail that starts at the Lancaster County fireman’s training center off of 283. Besides that, I would love to also have a fundraising night of baseball at the Barnstormers Stadium, but that means 50 tickets sold to get the funds. It also requires a lot of organizing to hopefully involve the team and Barnstormers association to make it a big event. I am not sure I have the gumption to get something that big organized, but a simple bike ride/walk I think would be a great start to the Central Pennsylvania 2010 Team Sarcoma. However, I cannot do this alone. I stress, I cannot do this alone. I stress it because I tend to take things on by myself, don’t ask for help, and then get mad when it doesn’t work out. I need to learn more about delegation, and that’s where all of my blog readers come in. Stalkers, stop your lurking, and say hello! I need volunteers to help commit to organize this 2010 adventure. Whether it be by riding in the 2010 challenge, walking in the 2010 challenge, assisting in raising money, marketing/”getting the word out”, helping us get connections with the local hospitals to get better fundraising, company sponsors for providing bottled water, snacks, money, or just supporting us is any way, I need to know soon. If you think you can donate a bit of your time to this important cause, please let me know. For more information, visit http://www.team-sarcoma.net to see what most teams plan and how we can make our first even great. Team “Keepin’ It Kevin”.
Besides the hugs challenge of creating our first Central Pennsylvania Team Sarcoma, I’m also thinking about volunteering with Hospice of Lancaster County. One of my strong suits has always been public speaking-there’s a reason I got an A in the course! I would love to format a good speech about the life of the young with cancer and grief and be able to share my story with local Hospice centers, churches, counseling organizations and so on. It doesn’t have to be massive groups, but maybe just community organizations that want to hear something passionate and figure out ways to help. I’m especially excited about this as it will stretch me to continue writing and pursuing my goals of young widow/cancer awareness.
Lots of new challenges for the new year, and ones that I hope I don’t bite too big into. I know my tendency for overwhelming myself before I even get started, so I’m easing into these challenges amidst work and school and life, and hoping to come out successful. I feel good about these things, driven, and most off-I know that these things will help so many people. It’s ok to be selfish and want things for myself, but I want to share what I’ve learned so much more than that.
I am at the point where I don’t feel generally sad about my circumstance-I have come to accept that I am the crazy widow. I realize that talking about Kevin and widowhood sometimes makes others awkward, but for me, it’s my life. Kevin was my life, widowhood is my life. I won’t deny it to pretend I live a life that I am not. I want to be real in all moments, no matter how tough it may be. This year will be tough and trying as I venture out to share my story, to help continue Kevin’s legacy by helping others who are battling similar journeys, and to find wholeness in my life. It’s not really a re-do after all, it’s life. Continued.