Who am I? I guess some of you know. Here’s a bio of me “then”, and a bio of me “now”.
I was born in Lancaster at St. Joseph Hospital (now Lanc. Regional) on May 20th, 1984 to my parents J. Donald & Lindsay H. I am the youngest of 3 children. I grew up in the Penn Manor School District here in Lancaster County, Pa and was raised in the country. Early in life, I was a tomboy, and a “storyteller” (aka, I was quite the fibber as a kiddo). I was always the chubby girl, and never quite fit in.
Music has always been a big passion in my life. At age 7 I started taking lessons and played our trusty old $25 player piano in the basement of my parents’ home. In 5th grade I had to be different, and started learning the Baritone (miniature tuba basically-it was as big as I was then, and the first one I played was all rusted!).
Middle School I will continue to say was the worst time of life for me, just in being an awkward kid trying to rebel and still not fitting in. I had my circle of friends and became involved in Pequea Brethren in Christ youth group. My sister was a member of the High School colorguard, so I helped as a “runner” with getting props onto the field for band competitions.
In High School I joined the Marching and Concert Bands on Tuba. Freshman year was pretty rough, but when isn’t being a freshman a rough time? I tried out for District Band on Baritone and missed it by one chair. I was so upset, and I decided to switch to playing to tuba. A few of my girlfriends were also changing to tuba, and we became known as the tuba girls.
Throughout high school I was always involved in band-Marching, concert and jazz, as well as singing in the chorus. I made District Band several times on Tuba, and always performed with the County Band as well. My senior year I was drum major and that was a great achievement for me.
While in high school I was also very involved with the youth group playing keyboard, electric bass guitar, and singing. I also helped organize events and helped lead the youth group with things. I was busy busy busy with all that, and besides that I also made time for my Saturn Car club days.
It was my goal to go to Northwestern University in Chicago for Journalism and to be the next Katie Couric. But life had other plans.
I didn’t get into Northwestern, so I settled on attending Penn State, York campus. After one semester I was greatly missing music, so I tried out and was accepted into the Music Therapy program at Montclair State Univeristy in Montclair, NJ with a focus on tuba. While there I never felt quite at home, and decided it was best to take some time off and figure out life.
I went to working full time, and after a year or so I started attending HACC part time while working. I had visited Montana several times after high school and quickly fell in love with this state. I was making plans to move there when I met Kevin online…
I still moved to MT, but once we became engaged while I was living there, we decided it was best for me to move back to Pennsylvania where jobs were much more plentiful once we got through immigration. So, after just 6 months in MT, I came home to Pennsylvania..
From there began Kevin and I’s journey.
Me Now? Starting next week my work schedule will change as I will be working at the Architectural firm 30+ hours per week, and only watching the kids on Thursday afternoons. I’m looking forward to the switch as it will provide me more security.
In the Fall, I am registered to continue my studies at HACC (Harrisburg Area Comunity College) for my associate’s degree in Business Studies. I hope to be completed with this degree by Spring/Summer of 2010.
I live in Lancaster City in a small apartment with my friend Kristi and my cat Darrell. Kristi is in the midst of immigration to Canada to work and be closer to her boyfriend, who just happens to be Kevin’s best friend. I set them up on a date when he came down to PA for our wedding and they’ve been together every since. Just one of 4 successful matches I’ve made for my friends!
I drive a beat up heap of a Jeep named Jessie. It’s a ’99 Cherokee that Kevin & I purchased just a few weeks after he got out of the hospital in September of 2008. We sold both of our vehicles when he got sick to minimize expenses, and while the Jeep isn’t gas efficient, or always reliable, it was ours, and now is mine. It reminds me of Kevin, as we talked for so long about buying an SUV to be able to drive on the beach. I still saddens me to think he only got to go on the beach in the Jeep one time.
I haven’t gained or lost weight since Kevin’s passing. I wish I had gotten the “can’t eat a thing” that some widows get, but nope, food is my coping mechanism, always has been. I am very overweight, but find it’s hard to be consistent with life, let alone trying to maintain a healthy diet and exercise. My weight is most likely what has caused my plantar fasciitis which affects the heels, my high cholesterol, and my bad back. But thankfully both the PF and my back have been good the past few months-I’m so grateful to be fairly pain free in that way! Kevin was a nut about going to the gym-he encouraged me to go, and it became our thing to do together. But now, going to the gym just reminds me of him, and the fact that he isn’t there. People still ask me where he is, and I still have to tell him he died. It sucks. So, I’m trying to get out of my gym membership which is not an easy thing to do. Either that, or Kevin up in heaven is preventing me from quitting it 🙂
In the past 8 months since Kevin’s death I’ve added 2 piercings. I got my nose re-pierced (had it done in 2006 and then let it close after the wedding), and recently got my tragus pierced in my ear. I’m not a metal junkie, but I just like the look and being slightly punkish in that regard. I’ve been thinking more and more about a memorial tattoo and have decided on either a shark, a maple leaf, or something combining the two. Placement? Not sure…thinking either wrist or my leg-the same spot where Kevin had his only tattoo.
I have a few habits, but no new habits that I’ve started since his passing, and that I’m grateful for. I don’t need any addictions right now or ever!
I sleep, but never feel rested, even though I’ve started using sleeping pills again. My feet are in dire need of a pedicure, my hands look much older than they are, and dang, I could use a kevin footrub 🙁 Or a massage! My body needs detoxed, but that requires taking care of myself, and well, I’m doing the best I can.
Sorry, I’m a bit self pity/cynical mode right now.
I just don’t recognize me anymore. I see parts of me re-appear every now and again, but the old me? I have no clue what happened to her.
I miss her smile that was fully genuine and not slightly broken. I miss the eyes that glowed when she looked at her husband, because that glow is gone. I miss the hearty laughter at her clutziness and cheesy jokes, and don’t understand the tears that come instead. I miss the full compassion she could give to others because her load was light. I miss the dreams she could think of, and her slight recklessness and I’m not sure what to make of the cloudiness that covers the future. I miss the hope and faith of all things, and am bitter about the loss tht has taken them. I miss getting decked out to look hot for my hubby, because now when I get decked out I just feel not quite as pretty. I miss the sleep of the sound, and dread the now lonely bed. I don’t see myself as I once did-as blessed-now I see myself and wonder what the heck happened and how I got here?
I don’t recognize this new B.L. Boitson. She sometimes seems like just a pen name with an interesting bio. But I’m in there somewhere. I know I am. I just can’t find the darn keys to get her open.
You are doing what so few people really do: grieve. Thanks for your honesty. I wanted to tell you this in person for some time, but I guess I’ll say it here.
I was 8 months old when my Mother died at age 24. My Dad hadn’t had much time to grieve when his own Mother passed when he was 15 and with me in mind, he didn’t take time then either. He did what he thought was best and met and married an amazing woman 9 short months later. She became my Mom and adopted me legally as well.
But it was too soon. If only he’d have waited and dealt with his grief. I would NOT trade my younger sister and brother for the world, but it would have made things a lot better in my parent’s marriage and for us at home.
So don’t be afraid to keep being real and honest. God knows we need more of that here in Lancaster County. Too many people hide their pain and try to soldier on. Keep leaning on your real friends and keep writing and crying and moving forward.
Thanks again for your sharing on this blog. May it bless many people who are feeling the same but afraid to share.
Very interesting to learn so many new things about you.
One thing for sure-you are to hard on yourself. Take all the time you need to grieve, do what feels right and what you need to do-and never feel like you have to explain yourself.
You have been through more than most even have to think about-and you should be very proud of where you are today and how you are slowly, moving forward.
You are an inspiration 🙂