The month of January is coming to an end and I have been quiet enough only to have published 2 blogs. I never would have viewed this as an accomplishment, but I have wanted to step away from the super social aspects of life for a while, and I feel that distance has given me some much needed breathing room.
There is a type of suffocation in being too social.
Reading others’ problems, bitching, moaning, concerns, celebrations, photos, and thoughts all affect my life. They soak through my skin into my heart, mind, and soul and the noise is distracting. The noise makes me lose focus of my own life and goals. So I stepped away. Unintentionally, without saying to the world “I’m taking a break from blogging and twitter” (declaring that always adds in its own drama and concern). I also ended my commitments with a few other things. I focused on some goals.
When I did this, my two main goals were to find a new job, and begin editing the book. I was more successful at one of these.
On February 6 I will begin my new position in advertising sales for a Pennsylvania travel magazine that is based here in Lancaster County. I am excited, but also nervous and freaked out and self-doubting my talents to the max.
As for the editing of the book, well, I have at least opened it and made a few notes. Part of taking the break from writing a blog meant I really lost my desire to be active in writing. This isn’t something I wanted to happen, but now I need to move the time and energy I spent looking for a job into working on the book and pursuing the goal of finalizing the first edit/rewrite.
Even though only one *major* change has happened in the past month, lots of little things have happened too. I stepped away from a writing co-op. I changed my twitter name to something that no longer red flagged my widowhood. My website is currently in a redesign process to be changed over to BrendaLeeFree.com to encompass ALL of my writing, not just my grief related posts. My boyfriend and I are at a very comfortable place, a place that looks to the future. I got asked to become a pianist at a local church (still debating that one). Life is moving forward. Life is starting, all over again.
Three years ago when I accepted this current job I am in, it was what I needed to survive. It complimented my hours as a Nanny and was a good fit to get me a paycheck so I could move back out on my own. It helped me start life again, go back to school, and was flexible enough to allow me to pursue freelance writing. And now, three years later, I am making steps to begin life in the way that I desire; that I choose (but can’t control). A life that I really WANT to enjoy, not a life that I have to live.
It’s a huge step to make changes to begin a life you desire. Doing it out of passion instead of necessity feels freeing and wonderful and scary too. Finally I am choosing key points of happiness in my life, and steps that will lead to a FUTURE!
It’s so awesome, very awesome indeed.