There were two.

There once was two.

There then was one.

Now there’s two.

Meet the other set of feet in my life. Unexpectedly about 5 months ago I had the opportunity to meet someone at a Haiti benefit fundraiser. Since then, those other set of feet have been a part of my life. Despite all you read on my blog about my struggles with grief, and widowhood, I also have quite a lot of joy again in my life.

The moments that I do experience grief have become fairly fleeting, and when they strike, I note them in my phone, and take time later to really delve into what those emotions mean. I analyze them, pursue them, and work on closing them out and dealing with them in a healthy manner. But in between those moments when I experience the pangs of grief, I get to enjoy the company of another person who brings me a lot of happiness.

I figured this Friday I’d “introduce” you and let you know that I’m happy. My friends and family have been supportive about this new relationship, and that has been a major comfort for me. While I never outright sought approval, I did certainly seek acknowledgement that everyone was “ok” with this decision. While I knew it was ultimately my choice to move forward into a relationship, I also knew that I did not want to hurt anyone in that process, especially those who knew Kevin best.

I have not talked much about dating, about relationships post-widowhood. It has always been an awkward subject for me, even before I met Kevin (dating that is). Since losing Kevin I have had my share of really really bad dates (insecure mama’s boys who didn’t have a clue about life; talks too much italian; a guy who turned out to be an abuser (yes, thank GOD I found that one out just 2 dates in))-but I’m happy to say that I am once again enjoying a relationship and companionship.

For widows it is a very difficult subject-there is a lot of judgement from the outside world when it comes to dating and widowhood. Everyone thinks they know best about time frames, situations, moving forward, but until you have been here, you don’t have a clue. It really is each person’s journey-some take months, others take years. We all have our reasons for entering the dating scene again-some for companionship, some for intimacy, some for friendship, some just to have some distraction. I think for me, it was all the above. I want the whole package: again.

I feel blessed to have another opportunity at the whole package. I often felt, after losing Kevin, that I would never find anything as good as what I had before, but that I would find happiness and security, and that would be enough. I’m glad I don’t have to settle for that. I am blessed.

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Comments 2

  1. “For widows it is a very difficult subject-there is a lot of judgment from the outside world when it comes to dating and widowhood.”

    This is why you need to write about it. Thanks for sharing Brenda. All the best.

  2. i heart this post. i am so happy for you, b.

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