Yesterday I did what I would have done 4 years ago – I went for a hike, I ate my favorite foods, I watched a movie. Yet, I felt fairly unsatisfied most of the day. The things that once gave me relief and solace have changed.
I am in the midst of constant change, as I guess, we all are, and I struggle with it. It used to be that getting out and about was my release and my haven. Now my haven is being at home, curling up with a good book, dog and husband by my side. Life has changed astoundingly.
I struggle to handle how vastly different things are. In chatting with a friend tonight, we deduced it’s probably a combination of things: age and direction. 4 years ago I was juggling many, many hats- school, several jobs, writing, family, entering the dating world. There was so much constant motion that motion felt like routine for me. Now, in 1 job, with family, husband, volunteering and writing as my mainstays, life is much more calm and solidified. It’s a new normal.
I’m smiling thinking about that – it makes me sad that some of the things I really loved 4 years ago are not the things I love now, but yet, I feel just as satisfied now as I did then. Probably more-so in that I no longer have an insurmountable grief to bear, now just the waves that occasionally rock my boat.
Life is always evolving, but change seems harder and harder to adjust to. I never believed I would resist change, but here I am. Trying my darndest to embrace it.