Last night I got a lot off of my chest. I was able to release all of my “big questions” with 5 other women in my friend’s basement and 2 hours later I left feeling as if much of my anxiety had been released.
My anxiety has slowly been creeping back in – with our very active winter snows keeping me inside much of the past two months I’ve been feeling itchy in own skin. I’ve been eating non stop, gaining weight, losing energy, feeling moody and anxious. It hasn’t been good. I recognized that I needed to get outside, but it’s felt impossible.
Today I decided to take a walk over my lunch break and my dog and I walked a mile in the 40 degree weather. It felt amazing. The sun warmed me to the point of opening my sweat glands, my feet were whisking me away with an unbounded energy I haven’t felt in ages, and I felt like I could breathe fully again for the time in months.
Nature has always been my healing place. Every time I ache, I know I need to get back into nature to find myself again. I find immense joy in being in a stunning creation that is far removed from my daily annoyances and problems.
I have often wondered about a second book that I would write – I thought maybe it would be about my widowed adventures, of finding love again after loss. But when I think about what I’d love to share with others? It would be nature and the way in which it has saved my soul from becoming cold and depressed.
The year of bravery has been tough so far-this snowy Winter has taken me beyond my typical love of snow to resenting the mounds piling in my yard and closing me off from easy access to trails and the outdoors. I should’ve bought those snowshoes! I look forward to a few warmer days of reprieve, getting outside, so I can handle the next storms to come.
Spring will be here soon enough, and I’ll get a taste of it very soon. In 2 weeks I’ll be flying to Tampa to present two workshops at Camp Widow, but beforehand, I’ll be joining two amazing widow friends for fun at Epcot in Disney World. And before I know it, my 1 year wedding anniversary will be upon us, and hubby and I will be cruising from Fort Lauderdale to Cozumel. It’s going to be a beautiful end of Winter and an amazing start to Spring. I just have to hold on, purge myself of these big questions, and get outside in spite of the white fear that is suffocating at times.