Fear is Winning

The rain is coming down and I feel the instant relief.

It washes away my stresses and brings life to the dying.

I crave the cool it brings and the way it cleanses.

My heart weighs heavy and the dampness fits just right.


Rain doesn’t solve my problems but it provides respite.

A quiet from the busyness of life I have created.

Yes, I will, OK I keep saying with regret.

Never setting aside myself and the worry upends me.


If I stay on this path I don’t have the time.

No time to face and chase the dreams I desire.

Wrapped up in things that are priority to who?

Wondering what lies ahead if I stay on this menacing road.


In my downtime I go dumb with things that don’t matter.

Avoiding the pleasures of words and quiet.

If I stay busy I won’t face the quiet that hurts.

A pain that lingers and I fail to address.


Keep trekking I tell others making myself do the same.

Pushing onward for what? What’s my goal? What’s my dream?

I slip in a moment or two of my pleasures.

Then fill my time with unnecessaries for failure.


I feel down I feel lost but I keep pushing on.

I’m not sure what’s right but I think it’s just cause.

Just cause I’m uncertain and out of control.

The control that bound me and suffocated my soul.


If I let go what will happen what life will I create?

I can’t see ahead and that fear causes mistakes.

Let go, let go, take a breather, relax.

That’s all I want but I don’t know if I can go back.


Responsibility closes in on my heart,

do this, do that, but what’s it all about?

Is this what I want, I don’t know anymore.

Life got so complicated and control left empty.


I thought by now I’d have figured it out.

Trust my love and have a path to the next.

But all I feel is uncertainty and I despise it.

Uncertainty left me lonely before and it’ll do it again.


A steadfast love keeps me smiling and moving onward,

but I don’t know where we’re headed

and that terrifies me.


I keep having dreams and worry of loss,

that it’ll all leave me again and I’ll be here.

Stuck on my own to face all my fears.


I try to control it all to not lose,

to hold onto love, yet hold on to fear.

I can’t have both, it’s just one or the other.

Fear’s winning out and I need to let it go.


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