Letter to a Friend

I’m writing this letter to my friends, my family; single and married, young and old. Just some things I’ve learned along the way…

Dear Friend,

I care about you deeply and profoundly. You have given me strength and courage through these tough times and for that I cannot thank you enough. Kevin and I only got to share just 3 and a half short years with one another. However, life and love are not measured by their years, but by their power.

Kevin and I experienced so much in our time together. We learned life lessons that some people never learn, that possibly you will never. It is what life hands us that creates us and molds us to who we become. I do not doubt that losing Kevin will truly define my life from this point forward.

It is with these lessons and thoughts I have witnessed along this journey, that I write this letter to you, for you, so that you never forget to cherish what you have or what you want, or what you need and desire. While you may not fully understand now, at some point I hope you will experience something in your life that makes you flash to Kevin & I and the thoughts I want to share with you today.

Do not take advantage.It is so easy to say that, and so hard to do.I can recall many moments when I took advantage of Kevin’s willingness to care for me constantly.He did so much for me even before he was sick.I don’t think I ever truly thanked him for the blessing he was to me.I don’t know if I ever told him that when he came along, he was above and beyond my greatest desire for a life partner.He was more, and with him, I was more.

It’s easy to nag, and yell and complain to your partner about these little petty things in life.But when you no longer have them to do that to, you realize that all you want to do is love them, hold them, and respect them with every ounce of being you are.When these little negatives enter your life, take a breather, calm down, and then approach.It has somehow become easier to trash talk the ones we love most, and to be so nice and easygoing with those we barely know.The ones you love, and hold dear, are the ones to which you should praise daily and effortlessly.

The little things count the most.I don’t think about big ordeals or big parties, or anything BIG anymore.I remember the little things.The way he rubbed my feet every night, the way he held and hugged me tight, and that smooth smile that captured my heart.While sometimes you may want something BIG from them, like roses everywhere, or surprise vacations, the biggest memories you will hold in your heart are the little things.No lie.

It’s not about you-get over you already.Stop thinking, ME, ME, ME, and look outside for once.Trust me, your life isn’t that bad.It’s time to open up your eyes to the beauty before you-the treasures you’ve been given in this life.You don’t have to go and leave it all, but you do need to be aware.Because when it comes down to it, one day, it can ALL be gone and it’s just you.Kevin and I left our “home”, sold our cars, and left our LIFE so that he could live and I could be with him every step of that journey.In the end, none of this stuff matters.It doesn’t.

You don’t need to wait to love fully.Your heart should be open for others.I think about when Kevin came into my life and how closed I was to the idea of him.He was so handsome and sweet, but I didn’t want a boyfriend.I was moving, I was doing MY life.But something in me gave him a chance, and I don’t regret any of that.So you’ve been hurt, you’ve been burned, you hate men, you hate women, you hate this whole “love” driven society.Who cares?It’s time to open up your heart and let love in.

Give it up!I had finally moved to my dream place-Montana, when I got engaged.I realized that Kevin immigration to Montana was not the smartest move financially for us, so I weighed the pros and cons of Montana versus Pennsylvania and I moved back home.I was disappointed-I had to start all over, yet again.Sometimes your life has bigger plans for you than you had hoped.Moving back to Pennsylvania wasn’t a very happy point in my life, but looking back on things, it was the best possible thing to happen.We were close to one of the best cancer hospitals in the country, close to supportive friends and family for when we truly needed all of that.Don’t be blind to where life is taking you.Even if it’s not how you imagined it, sometime you’ll look back and understand, maybe…

Love has no room for selfishness.It just doesn’t my friends.You can’t love wholly without being selfless.I was a selfish lover to Kevin, I wont’ lie.But when he was sick, not any part of me hesitated in being by his side-all for him.I’m not saying I’m a saint-I am not by any means.But sometimes you have to give yourself up without expecting something in return.The beauty of giving yourself wholly to someone is that you do get a gift in return.You get the ability to watch someone show you how to live for all that it’s worth.

It’s not a Cinderella story.There is heartache, and devastation, and ruin, and distrust, and affairs.There are so many complications to life and love.It happens.Stuff happens and you have to deal with it.You can’t run away, because no matter what you are facing, it’s going to follow you.Deal with it now-determine it’s worth, imagine a life without it.It’s not always good to base life on fact, but usually always good to base life on love.

These are just a few thoughts I have today, and I thought of you.I don’t want you to miss out on what’s right in front of you now.Cherish this moment, don’t ruin it.As cliché as it sounds, life’s too short.

Love Bren

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Comments 3

  1. These are great reminders, Brenda. We all need them. Thank you!

    Nan 🙂

  2. Beautiful thoughts and advice, Brenda. Thank you!

    Love, Suzanne

  3. Brenda,
    such a letter of love to us all. Thank you! I have already read it several times….Maybe there is a way to save this off on a special place on this blog, so we can refer to it , without having to remember the date.
    Quite a special letter indeed.

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