Why do words affect me so?  They create drama in my brain that I can’t shut off.  I use other people’s words to torture myself.  If I make a mistake, and it’s pointed out, I go over it again and again and feel the shame of it everytime.  Shame of being imperfect.  It’s ridiculous.

Whenever I struggled with things, when Kevin was ill, I would turn to the bible, or to an online devotional.  I would filter my negativity through God’s words to find some solace and comfort.  Today, I found this:

“From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this ought not to be so.”

– James 3:10 (NRSV)

It is hard to remember that I am not perfect.  It is not that I look at myself and speak of how amazing I am, but it is that I forget that I am capable and allowed to make mistakes.  Humanity creates mistakes, not perfection.

Countless times I have beat myself up over and over again about forgetting to do something, to call someone, to send a card, to remember a date, to lock a door, to turn off the coffee maker.  Humanity means that I am not perfect.  Words that remind me of that are just that: reminders.  They are little tidbits of guidance to help me to not make that same mistake again.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

I am going to make mistakes.  I need to allow for this instead of turning those words against myself to create discontent.

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