Morning Recuperation

After a fitful night of sleep, some good cold/allergy/anti-biotics, a nice shower, and the miracle of Mary Kay cosmetics, I am doing better this morning. It’s amazing how Mary Kay can make you look human again after a night of crying for hours.

I feel emotionally drained this morning, as I usually do after a breakdown. I know I need breakdowns. I know that when I can’t cry for days, the tears and heartache that I feel are going to come rushing out. It’s usually at nighttime when I’m lying down to rest and realize Kev is never going to be next to me again, that the picture in the corner and the dried rose are his memorial, and he is truly, and forever, gone from this earth. When I finally come to my senses, I think of the good times, the great places where we had uber amounts of fun, and the love that we hold, and I continue to hold, for each other.

He is carried in my heart. Right now, it’s hard to see the happiness that is there admist the pain, but it is there. It’s going to take a long long road to get to the solace and understanding. One minute at a time.

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Comments 1

  1. I cannot even imagine to know how you feel so I will not pretend to. Just know that we are thinking of you each and everyday and hoping that one day, it will be a little bit easier to get through the days and you will do more smiling than crying when you think of him.

    I cannot even imagine how hard christmas and new years will be. Not just for you but for his mom and brother. Yuck. Cancer sucks. Nothing else to say about it. It is not fair and it sucks. I often wonder why people like charles manson don’t get it and good people do. Is is really hard to figure that one out.
    Anyhow, hope you have a somewhat restful rest of the day and weekend.

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