Not the Typical Widow

I’m not sure I can handle the word “widow” at my age. If you don’t already know, I’m just 24. Who’s a widow at 24??? It’s just so hard to FACE that word.

I think that’s why I chose not just to wear black, but to wear a teal cocktail dress today. First off, it’s a color I love. Kevin told me just last week, that he thought I looked pretty when I wore a new teal tshirt. So..that’s another reason. Plus, I feel pretty in this dress.

I decided to look up the meaning of the color teal. It signifies emotional healing, pleasing, rich, protection, unique and expensive. Not sure about all of them…but the first one. Emotional healing. I think Kevin chose this dress for me. And I think that he’s looking down from heaven and saying, she looks so beautiful. I am sure of it.

I wish I had you here to dance with in this dress, Kev. I really do. I miss you so much.

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Comments 9

  1. Hey sweetie, I’m sending you all my love on this day. Stay strong, you have made it through so much already but I know this is the by far the hardest.



  2. I challenge you NOT to use the word widow since it doesn’t feel right. Just think of it in terms of loosing (for now) the love of your life. We love you and are holding you up the afternoon. The words to an old hymn are running throught my mind -“When we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be!!!” But for now it hurts. We do care!!!

  3. You WERE beautiful in your dress, Brenda, and I’m sure Kevin thought so, too. May you find peace as you continue through the difficult days ahead. I’m always here if there is anything at all that I can do to help you.

  4. You looked wonderful in your dress! I pray that you sleep good and find strength in God. My prayers are with you.

  5. Wow! I have to agree….Kevin picked out that dress for you! It is amazing how God works! Isn’t it just amazing to see how the pieces all fit? I can only imagine the pain that you are feeling but through it all, it is amazing to see how God works. I am inspired, truly, by your faith, love, strength, and devotion to Kevin and those you love.

  6. Just knowing you thru this blog, I’d have to say that Brenda – I’m very proud of how you’ve been able to get through this week… you are anything but the typical widow – your love and relationship with Kevin was extrordinairy – as you are for living in the face of adversity. You will chart your own course through the next chapter , just as you and Kevin charted your own course together. I’m sure you were radiant in your teal dress. Much peace be yours tonight.

  7. Brenda,
    You are beautiful.
    I want to meet you.
    Kevin will always be a part of US!
    My daughter is here with me as I write.
    We pray for you.
    We love you.
    She has too had bone tumors (Cancer). She she is OK…and praying for you.

    My mom died on the 17th.
    I am anxious to meet you.
    You will always be my daughter. You are the right age…and I told you long before Kevin got sick, how I wish you were next door.
    Margo, my daughter, will embrace you.Please know this true.

    Much to share,but I will always keep you close as will Margo.Margo..she has read your blog right along with me.
    My DH is healing from his surgery…and we keep you close in prayer.
    Brenda,you are strong.
    Someday you will be here and we will be on the beaches of California.
    Kevin will be/is happy.
    I love you.


  8. You know, you’ve never been the “typical” anything, I don’t know why you think you would start doing it now?!?! Only the people closest to you can tell you that! Teal is a beautiful color on you, that’s a wonderful choice. You’ve always done things your way, so I say…Keep it UP! You thrive when you can do things on your terms and in your time, so take what ever time you need, do things how you need to. Brenda, you are, without a doubt, one of the most self assured people I’ve ever known, God’s strength will dwell in you now as it always has. You can never lose yourself in Christ. I love you and I just want to hug you, curl up on the couch with some oyster cracks (you know, the good ones) and just be there. I LOVE YOU!

  9. you are so right Brenda it is hard at any age to be a Widow but at 24 you are supposed to be beginning to enjoy your life with your significant other – keep in mind he will always be with you in your heart.

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