I returned yesterday from 4 special days in San Diego attending Camp Widow. When I arrived, I was overwhelmed. I had hoped I would see faces and just “know” who they were. I was hoping I wouldn’t feel lost. I was hoping I could instantly connect.
It took just a few hours, but soon, I was doing all those things. I put names to faces of those whom I had been developing friendships with online for the past several months and years. I hugged widows who I did not know because they or I needed one. I cried over similar stories when my heart reached out to them in understanding. I laughed at the dead husband and wife stories that only widows could laugh at.
When almost everyone went home, and my dear friend and I were left with only a few others, I felt sad. Sad that I couldn’t connect as much as I had. I was also overwhelmed in a new way. How was this going to change my future? Issues had been brought to my attention that I had been battling and now I had some tools to face them, and courage to as well.
My brain is still wrapping itself around this past weekend and how it will change how I move forward in widowhood. How I let it go, but also how I embrace it.
It was worth it all – it was better than I imagined, and also more difficult than I imagined. It was a lot of amazing moments. Now, to process.