My brain is this.
I’m stuck. I am getting “opportunities” left and right that include free perks, meeting cool people. On paper, it’s awesome. In my heart, my mind, my soul, I’m going nowhere soon.
I read my friend Paul’s blog today and lightbulbs went off all over my brain. But then it went back to the picture above. Mush. Cream of Wheat to be specific. Healthy for you, but not the tastiest thing on earth. Not that any of the emotions in that bowl are “healthy” but again, I roll back to my philosophy of “I have to feel it to get through it.” The problem is, I don’t know what I have to get through…
I am disappointed and feeling lacking in my life’s direction. It’s headed 5 places slowly. My attention is being grabbed all over, and my focus is gone. The areas where I need (financially, mentally) doors to open are being shut, slammed really, in my face. The doors that are opening give me perspective and connections, but do not take me out of the rut in which I am in. The rut I have worn.
I like change, I always have. Is it that my problem with constantly needing to change is eating at me right now and I cannot just be happy with what I have? Maybe that’s it. All I know is that right now, I’m a big mess of unhappy..ok maybe not unhappy. Uncertainty! Now we’re talking. What’s next? Give me some damn direction. I need SOMETHING.
*sigh*. I prefer oatmeal better.