Widowhood Alters a Smile

6 months Pre-Widowhood

6 months Post-Widowhood

While these were two very different situations-one where Kevin and I were BBQ’ing at Lancaster Central Park, and another where I’m giving a “cheers” to Kevin at our favorite beach. But widowhood has changed my smile. Last night, thinking of this particular blog, I tried to give a HUGE smile, one of the cheesy ones I used to. I found that those muscles were restricted, that it had become more difficult to stretch my mouth to those heights. My smile has become weakened over these two years.

I love to smile, and I still do. I find immense joy at laughing, and sometimes I laugh too hard just to get that rush. On an average smile, however, it’s not bursting, it’s just present. I feel the happiness and excitement of a situation that warrants a smile, but it is not at the capacity it once was. My smile just turns the corners of my lips, and sometimes doesn’t even open them.

I really want that huge, cheesy smile back. The one that showed the world I was experiencing intense happiness and joy. I feel that quite often, but I would love to reflect that upon others around me.

So my challenge to myself is to find situations which warrant a huge ass smile, and to plant it on my face however much my muscles object.

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Comments 4

  1. Anytime you want to come over and make milkshakes with the kids I’m sure that will make you and them smile. It’s funny reading this article because I have only known you post widowhood and one of the features that always came to mind when I thought of you was your smile.

  2. Brenda, I’ve noticed that I can smile and even laugh but that there’s still that haunting look in my eyes. Before Brian died, when I smiled joy and happiness radiated from my eyes. Now, it just doesn’t reach that far. I hope that some day it will and I keep forging my way through this grief journey. For now, that’s all I can do.

    Peace, love, and blessings,

  3. Widowhood changes us in many ways. You will get your huge ass smile back with time I am sure. The grieving process can’t be rushed as much as there are times when we just want it to be over with.

  4. Brenda, I love this post. I see that huge smile on your face in some pictures you post and can’t wait for it to feel more natural for you.

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