I survived, he did not.

You ask if I’m ok, and part of me wants to lie.

Do you ask because you care?

Or do you ask to be polite?

Some understand, most just do not want to know.

Reality in its true form is not on TV.

It is right here, in this room, in my mind.

I live it every day, waking without him.

Talking to him all the time, I get no response.

He is gone, I am left.

Where does the love go? It’s still here

Not to share, but to dwell.

He was taken, without any understanding.

But if I knew the reason? Would it all be worth it?

Some days numb, but progression comes.

I still reach out, but he’s not there.

You’re here, but do you want to be?

Do you listen because I talk or because you want to know?

Can you handle this so young?

I have to, but you have a choice.

This isn’t your life, it’s mine to walk,

I want to change it, to change your perspective

Open your eyes to see what you have,

to see what can be lost.

I don’t seek to ruin your dreams,

but the reality is that mine were taken,

why do you still have yours?

Jealous and cynical, bitter and mourning.

Life was lost too young, but was it?

All part of a plan I will never understand,

there has to be a reason, a purpose, a plan.

I trek on trying to change the world,

to make them see the devastation amidst the hope.

How can you look at both?

live in both?

I understand, but I don’t.

Why him? Why me? Why now?

I’m still here….

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Comments 4

  1. Powerful words…
    I want to drive and scream sing…
    You words…”where does love go?” “How can you look at both?”…
    I read.
    I care.
    I am glad you are here.

  2. I’m just getting caught up on your blog, Brenda. I hope you continue with the poetry…there is so much packed into those words. I wish I could say that there are answers to all your questions, but I can’t imagine what those answers might be. I do believe that one day you will be happy again. I hope it will be soon.

  3. Brenda,

    Your transparency rips at my heart. Your pain is deep and real. Thanks for not stuffing it inside and saying “Smile, God loves you”. I appreciate your honesty.

  4. I think of Kevin and of course you often. Ironically i live in the his service area when he worked for UPS, so he is around every corner out here. His passing makes me appreciate what i have, and appreciate what is precious.
    Keep writing.

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