…for more than just last season. Yes, Kevin was one of “those” guys who insisted on one sheet (non flannel), maybe a blanket on occasion, and never the $200 comforter from the Nate Berkus collection at Linens-n-Things that I “had to have” (he never let me live this purchase down!). But now? I just bought my first set of Queen Flannel Sheets from Target, and I am EXCITED. Why? Because for once, I can sleep next to the open window with my flannel sheet, blanket, comforter and 3 billion pillow surrounding me without a complaint.
I may miss Kevin in my bed, but I don’t miss that!
Welcome to October. Wow. Month of IT. We are just 22 days away from the first full year of Kevin’s passing, and I do not know how to even begin on that subject. To be quite honest, between the 3 weddings this month, crazy week nannying every day but Thursday, and being jam packed between school and commitments, I haven’t had much time to think about it. I guess this is a good thing?
Draped over my bedroom is my wedding dress, and hanging in my closet is the funeral dress. I remember at one point having them hanging one on top of the other, in some weird parallel. I guess the same parallel will occur this weekend when I plan to wear the funeral dress to a wedding (remember the beautiful teal cocktail dress? Yep, I feel good in it so I’m wearing it out!)…and Sunday morning (if it works out for this date) I will be wearing my wedding dress one last night………I am trashing the dress.
I don’t want to explain too much, but I plan to have one last round of fun in that dress, and it will all be captured on camera. I am super excited about it. It’s something I have thought about all summer, and now I get to DO IT. I think it will be an amazing release. I can’t wait to post the pictures for you to see!
I feel so busy right now, my head wants to explode, and I am definitely high anxiety…….but I think that’s best for now. November looks calm and collective, and maybe I’ll be getting back out to the Pacific Coast (Seattle) for a long weekend as sort of a mini recapturing of last winter. Of course, this time, I think I’ll actually be able to take it all in, rather than seeing it through the foggy lenses of recent widowhood.
I’m almost here, I’ve almost made it an entire year. Some days that sounds so depressing, but tonight? Tonight I think…….I made it. I am still alive, I am still alive, I am still alive!