He’s Been Dead Too Long…

That day will be tomorrow.  The day I’ve been dreading.  The day Kevin will have been dead longer than I knew him.  Why should this day matter so much?  It really only matters as much as I focus on it, and, well, I’m focusing on it.

Why am I so cranky?  Is it really because of the bad pave job outside of my home that’s causing the trucks to rumble across creating 7.0 earthquakes in my bedroom?  The lack of sleep from that?  The frustrations of things not working the way they’re “supposed” to (or the way I think they should?)  Ok, so those are contributors.  But typically, when I am getting crankier than normal, I look at the dates in my life.  Oh yeah, THAT’S approaching.  In this case, that big day is tomorrow.

So for today, I can say that Kevin has NOT been dead longer than I knew him.  Tomorrow, not the case.  Again, does it really matter?

If you have never lost a loved one, it may seem like an in-consequential date.  One that I’m making too big a deal out of.  Or maybe you’re saying “What now?!” like one of my widow gals heard from a friend yesterday.

I could be thinking about the fact that this coming April 7 he would be turning 40 and I would be putting together a big birthday bash at my parents, or maybe at Tobias S. Frogg like we did for his 35th.  But nope.  Not this year.

Dates are only marks on our calendar, but somehow deep down, they’re marked a bit in my heart and soul too.  I can feel them coming.  I can dread them without even remembering right away.  I kind of hate that.

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Comments 10

  1. There are certainly dates that leave scars. I will say extra prayers for you tomorrow as you grieve the reality. ((Hugs))

  2. Those are hard boxes on the calendar. And our mind won’t let us forget them even when we try. Thinking about you, friend.

  3. Brenda,
    I too have lost people I love, not a spouse like you but the two people that had a huge part in my upbringing (my grandparents). I too dread dates and can feel them coming before they even arrive. My grandma passwd away a yr ago in January and her 79th birthday is approaching quickly, same with my granpa’s. I don’t think we’re meant to forget our loved ones or important dates, it shows that we remember them and still love them with everything we have.
    You’re a strong and beautiful woman, Brenda. I know today is memorable for you, but don’t look at is as something negative. Look at it as something positive and something you can reflect upon and something that can help you later down the road of life.
    If you ever need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on or someone to shed a tear with, please don’t hesitate to email me or leave a message on facebook 🙂

  4. Dates, dates and more dates! I hate them too. I so want to stop but I don’t know if I ever will. Hugs to you my friend!

  5. wow. dates like that ARE hard to think about. you’re not the only one that does it, either.
    ill be thinking of you, especially tomorrow.

  6. Thanks Nicole!

  7. Thanks Sandy – wish I could skip past it without even thinking about it, ya know? Thanks.

  8. Thank you Amanda!

  9. You got that right Sherry, thank you.

  10. That’s quite true – scars in the brain. Thanks Alycia.

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