I feel like life is messy, and I guess that’s because…it is! In just 15 hours I start the beginning of something “new” in my life. It’s like the first step into my new life, it’s my first time admitting I’m moving forward and actually doing it, and it feels messy, and depressing, and wrong. It’s not that I’m not looking forward to this job, or going to the gym more and more, or just doing things, but with everything that I START, It means stepping further into my new life.

I don’t feel ready for that, or at least, not ready to admit it. It makes me feel naked and alone and afraid. I’m optimistic, yet scared to death. I guess this is all normal-despite this chaotic feeling in my head, I know this is all part of it.

I’ve been doing stuff with friends, but everytime I’m not with someone else, and I’m just sitting at home watchin’ tv it feels so depressing. sometimes I know it’s good to just relax, but I don’t handle relaxation very well right now.

Just feeing messy, overwhelmed, scared tonght. It’s going to be ok, right?

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Comments 5

  1. I am trying to think how to reply to this. But yes, things are going to be okay. Maybe not exactly when you think they should, or better yet, when you need them to be. But it does get better. Just hold on to Jesus’ hand and He will get you through. I know that you think you have cried buckets of tears and feel like there can’t possibly be anymore left, but there will still be those times and I remember how the tears were a cleansing thing also.
    So God Bless you tomorrow and your first week back. I am glad that it is people familiar to you. Love, Sandi

  2. Yes, it will be okay. You have to trust yourself and your feelings. I am sure that things feel all a mess, but you didn’t think you would make it to this point and you have….one day at a time…one moment at time. You are a strong person and I believe that you will be okay. Good luck with your job with week and I hope that it gives you some of the things that you are needing right now in your life! Take care Brenda!

  3. I believe you will be/are okay. It is a miracle you made it this far, through the tough days of finding yourself alone. How did you do it? The same formula will help you through the next days. If the new things don’t feel right, try something else. Let your body tell you what to do. Keep pushing on as you can. Be kind to yourself through the tough times alone. Praying that you will have strength for each day and cheering for you on your accomplishments. Hoping you will find good around every new corner and that someday the good days will be more than the bad days. Love, Jean P.S. could you come over for a Mary Kay consult after work some day?

  4. Brenda, I found this paraphrase of Psalm 23 that I just love. I pray it blesses you!

    The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall never be in want because in Him I have all I need. My Loving Shepherd anticipates my needs and provides for me before I even know I am in lack. He leads me to places of blessing where I can rest. He restores my soul with His peace and comfort and makes me righteous so that I may become one with Him. I shall have no fear, because even in the face of death He prepares a feast of blessing for me to enjoy as my enemies look on in defeat. He gives me all I need and fills me with His power, His goodness and loving kindness are with me as I walk and live in Him. I will never ever leave Him and He will never ever, ever, ever leave me. He holds me close and keeps me walking with Himself. I will abide with Him forever!

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