Where is She?

Where am I? Where is she? Where’s the girl who let loose, dreamed big, loved unabashedly? I almost broke down this weekend realizing how much of me I’ve lost in all this. Not just how much of my life, but how much of my actual sense of self.

It’s initially a depressing thought, but as I’m trying to put a positive spin on the things happening in my life, it’s also exciting. Maybe I can finally rid myself of these nasty insecurities and self worth issues I’ve battled my entire life, and build up good motives for myself. My hope is that I don’t lose all the good stuff, and that I continue to grow stronger.

I started my online classes yesterday. I’m trying to be very strict/stern with myself in using my lunch break and nighttime reading as study time. Although I usually use it to catch up on the newspaper or pleasure reading, this switch is a MUST! I want to get through these classes, AND get a good grade. It’s a bit overwhelming, but I can do it. I’ve done a lot more than this before. I just need to prioritize and discipline myself, something I’ve NEVER been good at.

I’m working on me….

(ps, NAN, I have been emailing you, but getting no responses, are you getting my messages?)

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Comments 1

  1. Haven’t heard a peep, sweetie…must be lost in cyberspace somewhere! Are you ready for breakfast or lunch??

    You’re already growing stronger, Brenda. I think it may just be so gradual that you’re too close to see it, but you’re like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon. Those lovely wings will be stretching and spreading soon! Starting your classes has been a big step in a positive direction. Don’t give up the newspaper and pleasure reading, though. Use a timer to set limits on your study time and then give yourself a break to do something else before setting your timer for another bit of studying.

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