Another Beer in…

For the record, “Beer in Mexico” is on the radio right now. So, the blogpost name is not original.

I miss traveling. Not that I don’t do it-in the past 15 months I’ve been to Winnipeg, San Francisco, Seattle and Las Vegas. Besides that have been numerous cabin and beach weekends, but I miss the exploration of new places. But then it comes down to the big hindrance: time and money.

Today I am enjoying laying out plans to visit Smoky Mountain National Park for the first time over my birthday weekend. 26 years is nothing spectacular, so I may as well enjoy it in a spectacular place. My mind keeps imaging myself in places like Montreal, Assateague, the South…a few more places that I want to explore and re-explore in the coming year. It is starting to feel normal to explore solely or with friends, rather than with Kevin. Normal, however, doesn’t always feel right or good.

While I have come to accept, acknowledge, and attempt to embrace that I must still travel even if it means by myself, it still is a very lonely thought. I am at a point where I not only miss having Kevin to travel with, but just having a companion to travel with-a crossroads of emotions accepting one thing and hoping to have a future again with another.

I don’t know how to do it all: school, work, travel, friends, self employment-I have so many ventures which is quite typical of me, yet I still feel like I am missing something, a completion. My lack of faith is one of those things that still, after 15 months, has kept at an incredible low. I mourn my lack of faith like I mourn Kevin’s death. It’s not that I am turned off to it, or that I do not believe, but my heart still hasn’t found the tools or the ability to push forward and embrace my faith again.

At a crossroads of so many activities, I still feel lacking. I still seek for something greater, something that gives more importance to an also-seeking world. I am looking forward to connecting deeper with people, with faith, with community. Doing life in work, school, gym doesn’t fill that need. For me, it’s exploring and touching others.

Time to search for more, and hoping it doesn’t lead me astray. It’s time for another beer in…

Brenda Sieglitz

Brenda Lee Sieglitz is an author and public speaker whose topics focus on travel, grief, and nature. Widowed in 2008 at 24 years of age, Brenda is an advocate for sarcoma patients, the widowed community, and conservation through her volunteerism with the National Park Service, Lancaster County Conservancy, Pennsylvania Master Naturalist, Hospice of Lancaster County, Soaring Spirits International, Angiosarcoma Awareness and Highmark Caring Place. Brenda won the 2009 Associated Content “Content of the Year” award, and in 2011 was named one of Wyndham Women’s “Women on their Way”. Most recently her love and loss memoir, Ebb from the Shoreline, won 1st Place Editor’s Choice in Nonfiction at the 2014 North American Book Awards. Sieglitz holds a degree in business and became a Pennsylvania Master Naturalist in 2015. In her spare time, she adores playing with her two nieces, going on family adventures with her husband, stepdaughter and son-in-law, hiking, camping and is working to complete her bucket list dream of visiting all National Park units. Sieglitz has been married to her best friend Dave since 2013 and continues to reside in Lancaster County with their two beagles Scotch and Fina.

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