5 years ago today it was a blustery and abnormally chilly February Day.  Single digits.  Snow the night before.  I wed my first true-true love on this day 5 years ago.

I have had to do the math several times to believe that 5 years has really passed since we said our  self-written vows to one another.  It doesn’t seem feasible, especially since I only spent 1 anniversary since actually with Kevin.  Today marks 4 anniversaries that I have “celebrated” on my own.

Today is another monumental moment – the last day of the job I have held for the past 3 years.  A job I began nearly on the day of celebrating my second wedding anniversary (and first without Kevin).

For the past week I have known this day was coming – been wondering how I would approach it, feel it, deal with it, especially with this also being the last day of this job.  Last night I simply just forgot, that is, until I remembered.  And when you suddenly remember that you forgot, even for a little bit, a wave of guilt and sadness and pain and fear washes over you.

But that was last night, and today is just another day.  A day started with a lovely note from my boyfriend, a drive into work listening to the powerful and positive message of Joel Osteen.  A day that marks the closure of a 3 year era of a “job” and signals the start of a hopefully long and wonderful career.

I also hope today marks the continued success of my journey in grief.  That the pain comes and goes, but mostly these days, it has been about reflection and finding joy in the now.

Happy 5 Anniversary Kev.  This day 5 years ago was one of the most wonderful days in my entire life.  Thank you for showing me the joy and spirit of love and forward motion.