Do you want to hear about my stressful weekend? I’m stressed just thinking about it, and still dealing with it. The nutshell of this weekend is that Saturday there was a cop at my door, who informed me someone sideswiped my car (remember that just 2 weeks prior I rear ended someone in the snow storm?). Lucky for me, the citizen who hit me fessed up and was HONEST! What a nice change. Then yesterday the wind blew open my door and shattered my window. Thankfully no major cuts, just a few knicks, but now dealing with the whole landlord fiasco of who’s gonna pay (as apparently I didn’t have the storm window up in the screen door for winter).
I am SUPER frustrated, and dealt with some major depression this past weekend. I think it comes from the high of celebrating holidays, allowing myself to open up and maybe like someone, and then the uncertainties of that probably not working out, and just the utter FAIL of this weekend’s events. I’m very low right now, quite quite low, to the point where I feel pretty dead, unbelievably tired, and just wondering why I’m here.
I want to be able to look forward to 2010, to make goals that I feel I can achieve in my health and more, and to feel optimistic. But with so many things just hammering me down, I cannot even pick myself up. I get whacked down, and when I finally begin to brush off the effect, I get whacked again. Yes, I know, “such is life”, “it is what it is”, “Sh*t happens” and so on, but I don’t want to live like that! I hate living the philosophy of the pessimist. It has never been my style, and when things battle me down so much that I become that, I hate myself even more.
Right now I’m just swallowing the events, dealing with the paperwork, phone calls, and hastle that has now ruined my last week of freedom before school starts again, and trying to figure out why 2010 is already trying to screw me. Wow, there’s that pessimist out again. Go away!
I’m angry, can you tell? Frustrated, sad, depressed. I just hate that I can’t bounce back as quickly, that my funds aren’t here when I need them to deal with these hastles, that others can’t respond to my “putting myself out there”, and that all in all, I can’t just breathe some sighs of relief. I want relief. I want to breath and feel happy and content even when I get whacked.
2010, you suck. But I’m not going to let it continue, do you hear me?? I’m not!