I think so far in to the future that my NOW reality gets swallowed up. Do we all do this? I know I’ve blogged about this before, but how is it that as a widow(er), we learn how IMPORTANT the present is, but then we keep looking into the past reminiscing about what we lost, and look to the future worried about what we’ll lose in the future. It’s like a big, LOSER, sandwich.
I had a great talk last night with the boy. Relieving anxieties about my future, my wants, my anticipated wants, what’s realistic, what’s healthy, what makes me happy now, what I expect to make me happy. But I cannot anticipate a year from now, let alone an hour. I know from experience, that life can change so drastically, and any plans you may have made, any dreams you have striven for, can be ruined.
This was the reason it was so hard for me to dream again to begin with-because I knew how quickly it could be destroyed. This time I’m dreaming like CRAZY, and imagining the scenarios in which they could be taken from me. Wow, now that’s some backwards progress.
How do you look forward and dream, without letting those negatives set in?