This weeked, 9 girls (including me) enjoyed a weekend of nature and solitude at my family’s cabin in Northern Pennsylvania. It was beautiful and what many of us needed to just disconnect from the craziness of our daily lives. Throughout the weekend, I’ve been fighting a cold, and yesterday I even stayed home from work just resting up. It feels like I am so disconnected with myself when I sick-like I am foreign to my body. I tell it to heal, to keep up, and I try to feed it well (not discussing the stuff we ate this weekend!), and sometimes it just does not listen!

I have been looking forward to this past weekend, to school ending, to my trip to the Smokies for quite some time. Now I am within reach of school ending is just two weeks, and my trip to the Smokies in just over three weeks, and I feel disconnected from anything this summer. I want to do so many things, but I don’t want anyone to feel left out. I want to explore new places, with including new people, old friends, family, and I am feeling the stress of balancing all of those obligations, commitments, and relationships.

Adjusting my life to fit everyone always feels like I am ‘slighting’ someone. I begin to be questioned for why I am not spending time with some people, and more with others. It is a frustrating balance, and at times, I feel like I am making no one happy.

Reverting back: reread my post about not trying to please everyone. Self reminder. Brenda, you cannot do it all, you cannot please all, all you can do is try to connect with the ones you love, and be happy in that decision.

I feel disconnected with myself after a weekend that felt like it connected me again. What’s going on?