It’s a Monday and I am bummed. Hospice care is going to be taking care of my Grandpa, and today my dad took off work to be with Him. It’s coming to an end. I’m just feeling very bummed about losing him, although, I know we lost him a while ago. Alzheimers is just such a horrible disease-it’s so robbing.

I feel like I mourned my Grandpa a while ago. While living in Montana, he had a scare, and I cried for several nights at the thought of losing him. I think I let him go then, knowing that the Alzheimers had already taken the grandpa I knew. Now, it’s a bit of relief in knowing he’ll get the final rest.

However, I hate saying it will be a relief. That’s the last thing anyone wants to hear when they lose someone. I know I still don’t want to hear that, because to me, it isn’t when it comes to Kevin. And I know it will be so hard for my grandmother-they’ve been together, well, forever.

One of the hardest things ahead besides saying my goodbyes, which who knows, may already have been said if he passes before I get there tonight, will be laying him to rest just a few plots away from Kevin. I’ve visited Kevin’s gravesite several times, but having to stand there laying another family member to rest is going to be terrribly difficult. I don’t know how to face this again.

I’m just feeling so overwhelmed between my Grandpa and the finalizing of Kevin’s affairs and all the tax paperwork. After that stuff is done on Wednesday, and Grandpa passes above…I hope to feel some relief, however bitter it may feel.

Ugh……..I hate this!