The rain is coming down and I feel the instant relief.
It washes away my stresses and brings life to the dying.
I crave the cool it brings and the way it cleanses.
My heart weighs heavy and the dampness fits just right.
Rain doesn’t solve my problems but it provides respite.
A quiet from the busyness of life I have created.
Yes, I will, OK I keep saying with regret.
Never setting aside myself and the worry upends me.
If I stay on this path I don’t have the time.
No time to face and chase the dreams I desire.
Wrapped up in things that are priority to who?
Wondering what lies ahead if I stay on this menacing road.
In my downtime I go dumb with things that don’t matter.
Avoiding the pleasures of words and quiet.
If I stay busy I won’t face the quiet that hurts.
A pain that lingers and I fail to address.
Keep trekking I tell others making myself do the same.
Pushing onward for what? What’s my goal? What’s my dream?
I slip in a moment or two of my pleasures.
Then fill my time with unnecessaries for failure.
I feel down I feel lost but I keep pushing on.
I’m not sure what’s right but I think it’s just cause.
Just cause I’m uncertain and out of control.
The control that bound me and suffocated my soul.
If I let go what will happen what life will I create?
I can’t see ahead and that fear causes mistakes.
Let go, let go, take a breather, relax.
That’s all I want but I don’t know if I can go back.
Responsibility closes in on my heart,
do this, do that, but what’s it all about?
Is this what I want, I don’t know anymore.
Life got so complicated and control left empty.
I thought by now I’d have figured it out.
Trust my love and have a path to the next.
But all I feel is uncertainty and I despise it.
Uncertainty left me lonely before and it’ll do it again.
A steadfast love keeps me smiling and moving onward,
but I don’t know where we’re headed
and that terrifies me.
I keep having dreams and worry of loss,
that it’ll all leave me again and I’ll be here.
Stuck on my own to face all my fears.
I try to control it all to not lose,
to hold onto love, yet hold on to fear.
I can’t have both, it’s just one or the other.
Fear’s winning out and I need to let it go.