As I bitched about my job yesterday I realized that it was inappropriate, but I didn’t care. I wanted to complain. I wanted to be annoyed at the situation which is out of my control (reminder Bren, everything is out of your control). Even when a widow friend reminded me to be grateful that I even had a job, I told her I was sick of that mentality. I wanted to be angry about it.
And, as I shopped online last night and again this morning, purchasing last minute gifts, ordering gifts for myself, and mailing cards and gifts to friends and family, I do know I have much for which to be grateful. My friend Shanelle typed today “Having plenty, giving plenty”. Yeah, I do. As I put away laundry last evening I sorted out clothing that was getting worn out, and still my closet is jam packed. I ate leftover pizza that I had paid for on Friday. The stack of presents to be handed out in front of my Christmas tree is nearly as tall as the tree itself. I have plenty. I give plenty.
Today I am going to work on that refocus. The awareness of knowing that even though life is often “unfair” in my eyes, I still have many things that seem unfair to others. It is all about perspective. I have experienced great loss, but also great gain. I am surviving, and when I don’t feel like I am, I have friends and family who step up for me to make sure I feel that way again. That’s more than any person could ask for. It IS a blessing.
What are you grateful for? What are you struggling to see as fair?
As you know I am grateful for my job. I have many friends out of work and I see what it does. I am grateful for my animals…they bring joy into my life on a daily basis. I am also grateful for my friends….the IRL ones as well as the many online ones.
As far as fair….I just don’t look at life as fair or unfair. It is what it is and if I am unhappy I need to change something, be it my attitude, my job, where I live….whatever. I believe it is up to me to make what I want out of my life…
You know sometimes I just sit around like a 2yo and stomp my feet screaming “that’s not fair.” I think its healthy. I believe it allows us to then turn around and look at it as an adult and think about what makes it “not fair.”
“Not Fair” means it doesn’t follow our plan. What we expected. What we wanted.
When we learn that life is indeed not about our plan at all, I think we can then begin to embrace that moment that “it’s not fair” into “what is on the horizon for me?”
Sure we are entitled to some foot stomping. We are entitled to cry. We are entitled to bitch. We are entitled to get angry. It’s all part of a grieving process which applies not only to personal loss, but expectation loss.
Then we heal. Move on. Re-access. Learn. Live again.
This “When we learn that life is indeed not about our plan at all…” is SOOOO true and leads me to slew of ideas for other blogs! There does have to be allowance is kicking and screaming and saying we don’t want this, but ultimately we have no choice. Thanks for sharing 🙂 *hugs*
Sandy – I have always shyed away from the “it is what it is” mentality. It probably has something to do with having a jackass boss once who said that phrase OVER AND OVER again. But mostly, because I wanted special treatment. I realize now that I will NEVER have that, none of us will. Life is what it is indeed. Thanks for sharing.