As I bitched about my job yesterday I realized that it was inappropriate, but I didn’t care. I wanted to complain. I wanted to be annoyed at the situation which is out of my control (reminder Bren, everything is out of your control). Even when a widow friend reminded me to be grateful that I even had a job, I told her I was sick of that mentality. I wanted to be angry about it.
And, as I shopped online last night and again this morning, purchasing last minute gifts, ordering gifts for myself, and mailing cards and gifts to friends and family, I do know I have much for which to be grateful. My friend Shanelle typed today “Having plenty, giving plenty”. Yeah, I do. As I put away laundry last evening I sorted out clothing that was getting worn out, and still my closet is jam packed. I ate leftover pizza that I had paid for on Friday. The stack of presents to be handed out in front of my Christmas tree is nearly as tall as the tree itself. I have plenty. I give plenty.
Today I am going to work on that refocus. The awareness of knowing that even though life is often “unfair” in my eyes, I still have many things that seem unfair to others. It is all about perspective. I have experienced great loss, but also great gain. I am surviving, and when I don’t feel like I am, I have friends and family who step up for me to make sure I feel that way again. That’s more than any person could ask for. It IS a blessing.
What are you grateful for? What are you struggling to see as fair?