I love connecting with other widows. Love in the sad sense of course. The phrase we often use is that we’re sad at the circumstances that brought us together, but we’re happy to have one another. I am often flabbergasted at the circumstances that bring people together. It is frequently based on various emotions. Unfortunately, in the past 2.5 years, in my life it has been cancer and death that have brought slews of new, amazing, relationships into my life.
I have previously mentioned my uber fabulous widow friend Freshwidow. She has a great resource list of widows who have joined our circle and has them listed out by year. I contacted many of the widows in my 2008 list, and today, I want to share with you the story of a widow who has this little-big blog called ‘Chillin’ with Lemonade
She has left several comments on my blog and has become a frequent reader. Our tragedies are quite different, but we walk similar journeys.
Here’s her story:
August 9, 2008 HeeJun, my husband of 5 years, my high school sweetheart, went on a motorcycle ride up to Morganton. He had just turned 30 in July. For about 4 years HeeJun had been so into motorcycles. At one point we had three motorcycles and a corvette in our garage! He rode up the mountains almost every Saturday. He was very safe and people have told me now that they wanted to ride with HeeJun because he could teach them new techniques and safety tips. So, on this day he was riding with a group of friends and some new riders. I went shopping that afternoon. I came home and saw the troopers parked outside my house. I didn’t think anything of it. I even made a joke to my neighbor, “what did we do this time”. I went inside to put the groceries up. They rang my doorbell. I was worried about the shirt I was wearing. They came in and told me to sit down.They told me that it was bad. I thought it was a joke. I kept screaming that they were joking. HeeJun had been in an accident. He must have seen something and put on his brakes. Lost control of flew into an embankment with trees. His friends said they thought he would just have some broken bones. The troopers said they had never seen such a tragic accident with someone wearing so much safety gear.
Widowhood changed everything, especially in the beginning. Even the little habits. I used to go to sleep right away. Suddenly I was up all night. I used to eat breakfast at the table and take an hour to get ready. Suddenly I was eating a granola bar on the way to work and putting on makeup at the stop lights. I used to be able to read for hours. Now I can’t even focus on a gossip magazine. My friendships changed, but for the better. Friendships became stronger. I got a dog, then another. My sister moved in with me. My perspective changed. Little things don’t stress me out as much. Who cares if the dishes aren’t done? I planned more trips. I visited friends often….I gained 20 pounds. Yep, everything changed.
On Dating: Yes!! My marriage and relationship with HeeJun was so special and wonderful. Why wouldn’t I want that again? Relationships are precious and I can use what I know now to be the best girlfriend EVER! Plus, relationships can be a reflection of Christ’s love for us. Of course, I would want that in my life again.
On Year 2: It was scary. I had a few panic attacks and couldn’t breathe. I thought i would be better than I was. I put too much pressure on myself. I put too much pressure on what other people thought. “It’s been two years, she’s dating, she’s okay”. I couldn’t believe it was two years. I took time to actually think of the things that God had brought into my life to comfort me and bless me. I actually said I was blessed. That was crazy! How did that happen?
Thanks so much for sharing your story with me and my blog readers. You can read all about her journey through widowhood at Chillin’ with Lemonade.
Thanks for sharing Chillin’ with Lemonade! It is very interesting how your story is much different than Crazywidow however, much the same. I am thankful that you both have a support system with one another. Even though it may not always be refreshing, it may be comforting to know/understand what that other person is feeling or going through. I think that my favorite part of the blog today, was in Year 2, where the panic attacks set in and you thought you would be okay and we you weren’t ok. Isn’t it interesting how we automatically give ourselves a deadline to be okay by? When we just need time to be our best friend.. Thanks again for sharing!!
I love this reflection Ash.