Nouveau Vie

Life New. New Life. Whichever you choose to phrase it, that’s where I’m heading, what I’m in, how I’m existing.

This month, I believe, is a month of huge new firsts.

I hope to be purchasing a different vehicle in the next week.
I start school in just over a week-something I haven’t done since 2006.
I’m stepping out into the world of dating.
I’m letting go of recreating the past and focusing on living the present and working towards the future.

Lots of firsts.

It’s exciting, overwhelming, exhausting, exhilerating. So many emotions are tied in with letting go of bits and pieces of a sad past, while still embracing the good memories too. Embracing the future without the one I saw sharing it with is also another first. At almost 10 months out, while I still have deep waves of grief, they are passing, slowing, and as enter the Hurricane Season of 2009, I feel that my own personal hurricane is finally passing.

I try to think of what I’ve done in the past week, so to venture back to see..I’ll share with you some Tweets (from my Twitter account-see me on there as CrazyWidow) from the past few weeks.

-Can anyone explain to me the benefits of God’s creation of Mosquitos?

-Why is it the year after my husband dies I have 6 weddings to attend? Constant reminder. ARGH. Can I take the widow card to get out of them?

-Sometimes, between, me, my roomie, and my cat, I cannot believe we are not all bald. Shedding is annoying.

-Loss is so counterproductive. You learn that tomorrow many never come, but you can’t seem to step forward out of yesterday.

-It was a year ago today that the official diagnosis of angiosarcoma came across the Boitson’s door. Wow.

-I have actually woken up without my alarm and it feels gooooooood

-The PA state budget approval delay means our student loans won’t be disbursed until it’s approved. BS.

-Yes, no doubt I’m excited that my Steelers start the pre-season playing their superbowl opponents. But NHL and AHL are coming soon too!

-I realized this weekend that no matter how hard I try to re-create the past, my future will always be without Kevin by my side #realitysucks

-Home sweet Lancaster. I LOVE roadtripping, but after 2 weekends away, home feels great.

-I love mornings when I only snooze 2x I get up with time to spare,make breakfast,watch the news and still have time to stop for coffee.Score

-Dear kitty: please let me sleep through the night…just once….

-Nothing like a little Amos Lee to soothe my soul before bed.

-My tweets may seem contradictory,but widowhood is just that. Trying to move forward in a new life, while still wishing everyday fortheoldone

-Yes, I do believe I was just asked out on a date to drink “coffee or avocado juice.”. Um…………………………

..and on that note, enjoy my beautiful mix of sadness and humor. Welcome to my life as a crazy widow.

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Comments 5

  1. You go, girl! The next step is to shed the ‘widow’ label…yes, you are a widow, but you are so much more than that. Don’t let the label identify who you are in this new future that you are making.

  2. Amen on the above!

  3. Bren, you can use the widow card to get out of my wedding….if you need to. It’s your decision…no offense and no worries!!! 🙂 *hugs*

  4. Bren- Nice post.
    Good work…yes this is all work…

  5. I *love* the new look of your blog. Very serene and inviting.

    And I love your honesty, your humor, your strength.

    “Letting go of recreating the past and focusing on living the present and working towards the future” is tough. Kudos to you for forging forward. I know you can make it.

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