Project: Unleashed

I love my friend widow Erin very much; and almost as much as I love her, are her ideas.

Meet Project: Unleashed. 

Erin posted this challenge on September 6 as she was approaching the third anniversary of losing her husband:

“I am unleashing myself from everything that has kept my soul bound and tight: pain, loss, fear, grief, apathy, expectations, guilt, fear, numbness, did I mention fear? I will no longer be kept down by these weights, instead I choose to release them and discover the joy of the vibrant girl who will be unbound. If there is anything in your life holding you back, weighing you down, or dampening your spirit, will you join me in Project:Unleashed?”

Three of the things she mentioned above really hit home: guilt, expectations and fear.  Not that the others don’t strike me now and again, but those three are the ones that are holding me back, preventing me from being unleashed.

Sometimes I will flash back to a time in my life when I made a wrong choice, when I did something to regret, said something dumb, did someone wrong, etc.  I still carry the guilt and shame from those moments and when I think back upon them, those emotions rise up.  Guilt.

I plan most of my life around what others expect me to do, not really based on what makes me happy.  I do many things based on what looks good, sounds good, will appear good.  Expectation.

I have backed out of things that once brought me joy and excitement simply because I became afraid at the consequences.  Fear.

How can I forgive myself?

How will I ever live the life designed for me if I let others determine what steps I take in life?

How will I do the things I am destined to do if I am making choices based on my fears?

Project: Unleashed is about me finding ways to let these things go.  The first I want to tackle is guilt.

I am going to make a list of things I have felt guilty about in the past.  I am going to pray over those, I am going to yell at the demons in my head to let them go and pray above to give me strength to let them go.  I will then destroy the list.  It seems very ritualistic, but the battle in my brain needs some solidity.

That’s my goal over the next week and from then on out.  Taking the guilt away.

Will you join us?

 

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Brenda Sieglitz

Brenda Lee Sieglitz is an author and public speaker whose topics focus on travel, grief, and nature. Widowed in 2008 at 24 years of age, Brenda is an advocate for sarcoma patients, the widowed community, and conservation through her volunteerism with the National Park Service, Lancaster County Conservancy, Pennsylvania Master Naturalist, Hospice of Lancaster County, Soaring Spirits International, Angiosarcoma Awareness and Highmark Caring Place. Brenda won the 2009 Associated Content “Content of the Year” award, and in 2011 was named one of Wyndham Women’s “Women on their Way”. Most recently her love and loss memoir, Ebb from the Shoreline, won 1st Place Editor’s Choice in Nonfiction at the 2014 North American Book Awards. Sieglitz holds a degree in business and became a Pennsylvania Master Naturalist in 2015. In her spare time, she adores playing with her two nieces, going on family adventures with her husband, stepdaughter and son-in-law, hiking, camping and is working to complete her bucket list dream of visiting all National Park units. Sieglitz has been married to her best friend Dave since 2013 and continues to reside in Lancaster County with their two beagles Scotch and Fina.

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Comments 2

  1. Erin November 27, 2012

    I love this post and I love you!

    What a wonderful goal you have given yourself. I can’t wait to see you blossom into an even more beautiful version of your already amazing self. I’m so glad to have you along my side on this journey.

    Let the guilt go. I’ll be praying for you as well.

    <3 <3

  2. Brenda November 27, 2012

    Thanks Erin, now I need to get working on that list.

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