I love my friend widow Erin very much; and almost as much as I love her, are her ideas.
Erin posted this challenge on September 6 as she was approaching the third anniversary of losing her husband:
“I am unleashing myself from everything that has kept my soul bound and tight: pain, loss, fear, grief, apathy, expectations, guilt, fear, numbness, did I mention fear? I will no longer be kept down by these weights, instead I choose to release them and discover the joy of the vibrant girl who will be unbound. If there is anything in your life holding you back, weighing you down, or dampening your spirit, will you join me in Project:Unleashed?”
Three of the things she mentioned above really hit home: guilt, expectations and fear. Not that the others don’t strike me now and again, but those three are the ones that are holding me back, preventing me from being unleashed.
Sometimes I will flash back to a time in my life when I made a wrong choice, when I did something to regret, said something dumb, did someone wrong, etc. I still carry the guilt and shame from those moments and when I think back upon them, those emotions rise up. Guilt.
I plan most of my life around what others expect me to do, not really based on what makes me happy. I do many things based on what looks good, sounds good, will appear good. Expectation.
I have backed out of things that once brought me joy and excitement simply because I became afraid at the consequences. Fear.
How can I forgive myself?
How will I ever live the life designed for me if I let others determine what steps I take in life?
How will I do the things I am destined to do if I am making choices based on my fears?
Project: Unleashed is about me finding ways to let these things go. The first I want to tackle is guilt.
I am going to make a list of things I have felt guilty about in the past. I am going to pray over those, I am going to yell at the demons in my head to let them go and pray above to give me strength to let them go. I will then destroy the list. It seems very ritualistic, but the battle in my brain needs some solidity.
That’s my goal over the next week and from then on out. Taking the guilt away.
Will you join us?