On April 5, I married the boy.  Big, big step.  Big, big move forward.

The month prior to the wedding, I also finalized my book proposal to send off for a non fiction writing contest (didn’t win).  Finishing the proposal helped me to feel some closure in my life before the boy, but it also raised a lot of thoughts about what it would mean to no longer be a Boitson, to enter a new life with someone else, a new forever.

I’ll admit, it was scary.  Some days, it still is.  But mostly, it’s wonderful. 

I think a lot about Kevin, and what our life was supposed to be.  Let me rephrase that: what I thought it was to be.  The reality of life is that it doesn’t happen as I expect it to.  Life happens as was planned out for me.  That’s still a tough adjustment some days.

I haven’t given much thought to long term, to future.  That sounds weird coming from a woman who just married someone, doesn’t it?  But we are happy, and we compliment each other well, and I love him so very much.  I think my love with the boy is practical, is adult.  Wow, this doesn’t sound very romantic at all does it?  But it is.  I’ve been able to move forward, to see a future.  Even if I haven’t been able to fill a dream book with all the things I want us to do together, I have those hopes and expectations of our life together.  I think that part of me is just still a bit afraid to think too far ahead.  I know what can happen, and that part still scares me.

Remarrying after widowhood isn’t just planning a wedding, writing some vows, and marrying the man that you love.  It involves a much more complicated thought process than I ever expected.  I’m not quite ready to delve into all of that yet, publicly, but it’s been scary and wonderful, and comforting, and satisfying, and joyful and tearful, and lovely, and exciting, and thrilling.  It’s been all that.  Here’s to forever, however long that will be.