Slow Down

Floating down that old river boy
All my worries far behind
Floatin down that old river boy
Leave old memories way behind
Yes the days slowly fade
All my life…I cant wait for this time
Yes the days slowly fade
I’ve been waitin now and forever for this ride
Ride the river in this boat ride the river
Yesterday slowly fades
I’ve been waitin now and forever for this ride.
Ride the river in this boat ride the river-Ride the River by Eric Clapton

This morning on my drive to work I was doing about 67 mph on Route 283 heading into Lancaster (a 65 mph zone), and I was passed as if I was standing still. You see, I’m on a mission to become a better driver. It has come to my attention that my phone, speeding, and just having a totally ditzy attitude sometimes, has caused me to deteriorate from a “good” driver to a “bad/scary” driver. I have been luckier than my siblings when it comes to accidents and speeding tickets, but still, I could be better at this. It’s something I do quite often, something I even enjoy. So this morning, on my quest to use cruise control more often, to enjoy the view instead of being bored and annoyed by other drivers, I was being whizzed by.

Of course, you know where this is leading, to yet another grief euphemysm. Doesn’t everything in my life these days twist back to the neverending journey to handle and conquer widowhood? While cars passed me left and right, and I fearfully looked in my rearview wondering if I should speed up just to not be killed, I thought about how, over a year and a half ago, everything in my life was just this way.

Grief slowed my life to a near stop: I breathed, I existed, but I did not live; I barely moved. Life whizzed past me, and I lost many things. Now, in my attempts to purposefully slow my life (seeto explain what I hope to do), everyone rushes past me again. I wonder what I will lose in the process, but in a positive light, what I shall gain.

I gained an amazing amount of insight about myself, the human spirit, relationships, and what we take for granted when I lost Kevin. Those lessons now cause me to re-evaluate the virtue of life, and my desire to lesson my material impact, and increase my psychological impact on the world. I can see myself gaining even more amazing strengths from this shift to a slower life, a life filled with less stuff and more connections, and a generally lifted, happier spirit.

What are you gaining from what you have? What’s holding you back from what you want?

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