This week is full physical, next week is a meeting with my college advisor. Both I’m a bit nervous about. Last year I had high cholesterol, and this year I’m hoping that my healthy changes have lowered that. With school, I still don’t know where I stand. I think the smart thing to do would go into the bachelor’s, but financially smart, maybe not. I can’t imagine a massive school loan, and I also can’t imagine another 4 years of schooling-not at this point anyways. I am only 25, and I do still have time. Didn’t someone finish her bachelor’s at 100? I think so!
I feel like I need to take more steps to work on becoming a more commited writer-whether that be writing a few thousand words a week toward the novel, and doing freelance, I think it needs to happen. When I write I feel more in tune with myself, my life, my friends, the world. It closes the gap between the feeling of utter confusion and striving to be more and do more.
When I think school I get sad, depressed, frustrated.
When I think write I get inspired, insightful, connected.
I know what needs to happen, I am just not 100% sure how to make it happen. Does it mean keeping this job and hoping the writing comes about more heartily? I think that would be smart, but that means my agenda needs to be more clear for that to happen-and that won’t occur until my Associate’s degree in done at the end of this year. A long ways to go, but hopefully worthwhile.
I am feeling more inspired, and I am appreciative of new people in my life that spur conversation and make me think more about widowhood and my life and my future. My family & friends have done their best to support me, but a fresh ear was needed.
I’m still as confused as ever, but my heart is telling me one thing for sure: write.