Survival

We are now over 40″ deep of snow in less than a week here in Lancaster County. It is insane. I LOVE snow, love it. What I don’t enjoy, however, is cabin fever. Being stuck inside, unable to drive anywhere, just me, my cat, my thoughts…and thank God for a DVR.

When it’s just you stuck inside you can go from ambitious to depressed in a heartbeat. The first snowstorm I cooked, baked, cleaned..it was productive! This snowstorm I got a bunch of schoolwork done, and then settled into a bout of depression. The type where you can’t help but be jealous of the families and couples snowed in together, shoveling out, making snow angels. Who wouldn’t be jealous of the quintessential Americana life-I know I am. Mine is anything BUT quintessential.

I feel a good beat in my life right now, but part of it is just survival mode. Getting through situations like anniversaries, and now approaching Valentine’s Day. I am feeling the brunt of my anniversary and all that the date means-the combination of loss and happiness-when I approach dates I know are coming and are sentimental, I can put up armor and go right into survival mode to protect. It’s the other moments I cannot brace for. The sure to come ‘firsts’ of widowhood that still catch me off guard-ones that just have to survive, but have no armor.

I love snow….but I think it is time for spring, and blooms, and a fresh start.

Brenda Sieglitz

Brenda Lee Sieglitz is an author and public speaker whose topics focus on travel, grief, and nature. Widowed in 2008 at 24 years of age, Brenda is an advocate for sarcoma patients, the widowed community, and conservation through her volunteerism with the National Park Service, Lancaster County Conservancy, Pennsylvania Master Naturalist, Hospice of Lancaster County, Soaring Spirits International, Angiosarcoma Awareness and Highmark Caring Place. Brenda won the 2009 Associated Content “Content of the Year” award, and in 2011 was named one of Wyndham Women’s “Women on their Way”. Most recently her love and loss memoir, Ebb from the Shoreline, won 1st Place Editor’s Choice in Nonfiction at the 2014 North American Book Awards. Sieglitz holds a degree in business and became a Pennsylvania Master Naturalist in 2015. In her spare time, she adores playing with her two nieces, going on family adventures with her husband, stepdaughter and son-in-law, hiking, camping and is working to complete her bucket list dream of visiting all National Park units. Sieglitz has been married to her best friend Dave since 2013 and continues to reside in Lancaster County with their two beagles Scotch and Fina.

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