The more I push into where I see talent and experience the lousier I feel. I’ve been looking for something new in my life and as I search for it and meet people about it, the less adequate I feel.
Meanwhile, as I explore options of a world I feel less qualified in, where I don’t have a degree, where I have less years involved, where I basically shoved myself into it and said “Hey, here I am, read me”, doors continue to open.
Am I ignoring the signs? Some days I feel blessed with doors opening, but other times the work that is required and the payback doesn’t seem worthwhile. How much do I invest my time/energy with no financial rewards? When will that time come?
I am struggling with what I need to survive now, for mental health, for just feeling GOOD about me and what I have accomplished. I want to feel good about going back to school and investing that time and money into myself. But for now? There has been no payback to that investment.
Do I continue walking through doors hoping one of them hands me a check, or continue down the seemingly endless road of rejection in hopes that someone gives me a chance that I know will guarantee a paycheck. Which one?