The more I push into where I see talent and experience the lousier I feel. I’ve been looking for something new in my life and as I search for it and meet people about it, the less adequate I feel.
Meanwhile, as I explore options of a world I feel less qualified in, where I don’t have a degree, where I have less years involved, where I basically shoved myself into it and said “Hey, here I am, read me”, doors continue to open.
Am I ignoring the signs? Some days I feel blessed with doors opening, but other times the work that is required and the payback doesn’t seem worthwhile. How much do I invest my time/energy with no financial rewards? When will that time come?
I am struggling with what I need to survive now, for mental health, for just feeling GOOD about me and what I have accomplished. I want to feel good about going back to school and investing that time and money into myself. But for now? There has been no payback to that investment.
Do I continue walking through doors hoping one of them hands me a check, or continue down the seemingly endless road of rejection in hopes that someone gives me a chance that I know will guarantee a paycheck. Which one?
Ignore the “signs”! Remember that appreciation of art and writing is all subjective, it depends on the audience, so try not to take it personally. Just try to learn from the experiences you consider rejections (or straight up ignore the rejections when necessary- f them). There will be people who love your work and those who hate it no matter what, I’ve come to learn that about my paintings and art. Just do your thing and enjoy yourself, I know it doesn’t come with a paycheck most of the time (trust me I know! haha), but its what you love and there is more fulfillment in that than a paycheck from something you don’t enjoy (the alternative!). Plus…we are young! Anything could be around the corner…
Honestly, school is probably not going to give you a paycheck (probably not going to give ANYONE a paycheck, its not personal!), but it will give you experiences and knowledge that will help you to convey your ideas and become the best writer you can be, and that has to be the reason you are going. I’m speaking from my thoughts after getting an art degree…the degree with the least possibility of resulting in a paycheck =)
You are talented Brenda and you’ve accomplished a lot, and it is clear by visiting your facebook page that you have tons of friends and family that love you no matter what! f the critics!! keep on doing your thing and don’t beat yourself up =) Have a great day!
I love your article. I think we all struggle at times doing the things we love and doing what needs to pay the bills. Your time will come when people will want to not only hear your voice but pay you for it too. Keep searching for the right answers and you will find them.
You have what is called DNA. Determined Natural Ambition and it never leaves up. Those with the DNA are destined for great things. We can’t ever figure out why we haven’t reached the top. Keep this writing going and someday you will.
Thanks for sharing!