Trusting Unexpectation

I should know to trust the unexpected, especially if it involves things I have planned around not expecting the unexpected.

An Unexpected Laugh...Caught.

I am being shown, again and again, that my life is not within in my control.  This hasn’t seemed to stop me from being an ultimate control freak, but I’m learning.  Very slowly.  Nothing has happened in the past few weeks that I have really planned for, necessarily wanted, or at the very least, expected.  I have a heaping plate of unexpected sitting in front of me, and I’m shoving it down my throat.

I used to be pretty adaptable to change.  Or at least, I changed things a lot.  It could go one way or the other.  From 2003-Present, I have moved no less than 8 times, not including my stint in NJ for school.  The most time I have spent in any one place, has been in my current home.  I have adjusted to changing a lot less.  I used to dye my hair constantly, mostly to red, and blonde, but I haven’t died my hair in over a year (trust me, this was a huge feat to overcome!).  In my past life, being unexpected never felt quite so earth rocking.  It was more waves of discomfort of inconvenience.

Now, the unexpected tends to rock me.  Hard. (I already hear ’80’s Synthesizers).  Today I’m smiling.  I’m smiling because the unexpected happened, but no one died.  I’m still here, kicking, I still have my life in fair order, and I’m physically ok.  Let’s not talk about mentally.  The thing is, I’ve been through a HELLUVALOTWORSE.  I had the most unexpected things happen to me 2.5 years ago: my hubby died.  Before that, other unexpected things happened: He got sick, we had to relocate to Baltimore for treatments, quit both our jobs, I became  FT caretaker, we gave up our apartment and moved in with my parents.  That’s a lot worse than the unexpecteds of present.  And I survived that.  And I’m pretty good actually.

I don’t want to live life with expectations.  Part of the fun of life is spontaneity, adventure, exploring new things, getting handed things that aren’t on the priority list.  If getting handed a big plate of unexpected means that I get to live again?  Well, I’m up for that.

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