6 months Pre-Widowhood
6 months Post-Widowhood
While these were two very different situations-one where Kevin and I were BBQ’ing at Lancaster Central Park, and another where I’m giving a “cheers” to Kevin at our favorite beach. But widowhood has changed my smile. Last night, thinking of this particular blog, I tried to give a HUGE smile, one of the cheesy ones I used to. I found that those muscles were restricted, that it had become more difficult to stretch my mouth to those heights. My smile has become weakened over these two years.
I love to smile, and I still do. I find immense joy at laughing, and sometimes I laugh too hard just to get that rush. On an average smile, however, it’s not bursting, it’s just present. I feel the happiness and excitement of a situation that warrants a smile, but it is not at the capacity it once was. My smile just turns the corners of my lips, and sometimes doesn’t even open them.
I really want that huge, cheesy smile back. The one that showed the world I was experiencing intense happiness and joy. I feel that quite often, but I would love to reflect that upon others around me.
So my challenge to myself is to find situations which warrant a huge ass smile, and to plant it on my face however much my muscles object.
Anytime you want to come over and make milkshakes with the kids I’m sure that will make you and them smile. It’s funny reading this article because I have only known you post widowhood and one of the features that always came to mind when I thought of you was your smile.
Brenda, I’ve noticed that I can smile and even laugh but that there’s still that haunting look in my eyes. Before Brian died, when I smiled joy and happiness radiated from my eyes. Now, it just doesn’t reach that far. I hope that some day it will and I keep forging my way through this grief journey. For now, that’s all I can do.
Peace, love, and blessings,
Linda
Widowhood changes us in many ways. You will get your huge ass smile back with time I am sure. The grieving process can’t be rushed as much as there are times when we just want it to be over with.
Brenda, I love this post. I see that huge smile on your face in some pictures you post and can’t wait for it to feel more natural for you.